Recap: Once Upon a Time in Wonderland S01E01 “Down the Rabbit Hole”

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

Hello everyone, and welcome to Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, the needless spinoff of Once Upon a Time, that, thus far, isn’t really the distinguishable from Once Upon a Time in any way.

If you’ve seen the previews for this show, then you’ve pretty much know most of the plot of this episode: Alice travels to Wonderland. Alice falls in love with a genie named “Cyrus”. The Red Queen kills Cyrus. Alice returns to the real world where everyone thinks shes crazy and sends her to an asylum. The Knave of Hearts and the White Rabbit breaks Alice out of the Asylum and return her to Wonderland. Alice believes that Cyrus is really alive and the start a search for him

There were two main twists: The White Rabbit is really working for the Red Queen and Jafar is in Wonderland because he want’s the three wishes that Cyrus gave to Alice.

So, with the recap done, here’s what I thought of the characters:

a screencap of a young alice (played by millie brown)
Bah! Another kid!

Young Alice

Young Alice is another annoying kid for us all to have. Like Henry from Once Upon a Time, her main trait is that she believes in fantastical things, even though those around her tell her that none of it is real.

I sure hope that we don’t get a bunch of flashbacks her annoying kid adventures in Wonderland.

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe)
Strange Attire

Adult Alice

Alice’s main trait is that she likes to run around in her underwear. Seriously, she spends most of this episode in Victorian undergarments.

In this episode, Alice signs a form and the camera cuts away before we see her last name. I wonder if her last name is significant. Maybe she is related to one of the characters from Once Upon a Time and they don’t want us to know about it just yet. Otherwise, she probably doesn’t have a last name, because the last name of Alice from the original stories was never mentioned.

a screencap of dr. lyndgate (played by jonny coyne) and his two colleagues (played by ryan elm and michael q. adams)
Dr. Lyndgate and the Gaslighting Crew

Dr. Lyndgate

Dr. Lyndgate is one of the doctors of Bethlem Asylum and tries to convince Alice that Wonderland isn’t real. He is cast somewhat as a villain, but he really doesn’t have any evidence that Wonderland is real and the only conclusion to be had is that Alice is delusional. It’s just too bad that Victorian Era mental health treatments usually ended up doing more harm than good.

Even though Alice has escaped from the asylum, I don’t think that this is the last we will see of Dr. Lyndgate. Someone has to explain to Alice’s father what happened to her. Plus, Dr. Lyndgate has now seen the White Rabbit. Is he a believer now or does he discount what he’s seen as an hallucination?

a screencap of cyrus the genie (played by peter gadiot)
Handsome!

Cyrus the Genie

Cyrus’ main traits are that he is handsome, he looks good and he wears a vest. Other than that, from what little we see of him in this episode, I guess it can be ascertained that he’s charming and a good fighter. He doesn’t seen to have any magic powers like a genie should and The Knave of Hearts even says that he has no magic, which is weird.

Cyrus gets thrown off a cliff and is presumed dead, but it’s really a trick by The Red Queen and Jafar to capture him. I thought that genies could fly though?

screencap of the knave of hearts (pleyed by michael socha)
The leather jacket means that he’s a renegade.

The Knave of Hearts

The Knave of Hearts is our roguish badboy with a heart of gold. He did some bad things in Wonderland an dis on the run. For some odd reason he wants to start a new life in Storybrooke, so Wonderland must really be horrible.

A small thing: when we first meet the Knave of Hearts he visits Granny’s Diner in Storybrooke. There is a small cameo by Grumpy the dwarf and he is with a waitress the isn’t Ruby. It’s a girl named Ashley instead.

Another thing: The Knave of Hearts is in present-day Storybrooke, when the White Rabbit asks him to help save Alice, but Alice is in Victorian England, which means that the White Rabbit can open portals through time. Why don’t they just ask him to open a portal to a time before the Red Queen pushes Cyrus off a cliff, so that they can save him? Also, why do they have to leave right away to save Alice? Can’t they take some time to prepare before they travel back through time? When you can time travel, you have all the time in the world! I think that the writers just wanted a Storybrooke cameo and didn’t think things through. Time travel always screws stories up.

screencap of the white rabbit (voiced by john lithgow)
Is there an Uncanny Valley for animals?

The White Rabbit

The White Rabbit is a nervous, cowardly little guy. He is working for the Red Queen for reasons as of yet unknown to us. Although, he may have reason to be angry at Alice. She kidnapped him to use as proof the Wonderland exists. We never see how he escapes from her and he obviously didn’t come back with her to the real world, because no one believes her and thinks she’s insane.

a screencap of the cheshire (voiced by keith david) about to attack alice (played by sophie lowe)
Tasty!

The Cheshire Cat

The Cheshire Cat is hungry all the time. Alice says that he looks different than before, which suggests that he has become twisted by evil magic. I predict the he shall become uncursed and also an ally.

a screencap of the red queen (played by emma rigby)
Evil gets the best clothing!

The Red Queen

The Red Queen is evil and she wears pretty dresses. We pretty much know nothing else about her at this point. She has some sort of beef with Alice that will probably be revealed in a flashback.

a screencap of jafar (played by naveen andrews) with some bad blue screening behind him
No there’s some bad blue screen!

Jafar

Jafar is evil and he has a sweet-looking snake cane. He wants the three wishes that Cyrus gave to Alice.

Wishes in this universe are actual physical objects that look like jewels and can be traded to other people or stolen. We don’t know what Jafar wants to wish for. Wishes always come with a catch though, so is it really a good idea for him to be seeking them out?

How did characters from Agrabah get to Wonderland? Mysteries!

a screencap of the credits from once upon a time in wonderland
Tweedle #1?
a screencap of the credits of once upon a time in wonderland
Tweedle #2?

Here is a thing that bugs me. The credits mention “Tweedle #1” and “Tweedle #2”. Did the mean “Tweedledee” and “Tweedledum”, or did the mean “Thing 1” and “Thing 2”?

Bah! See you next week!

My Thoughts On: Once Upon a Time S03E02 “Lost Girl”

SPOILER DERP! SPOILER DERP!

I’m feeling a bit janky, so alls you’re getting this week is my weird, long and rambling notes on this episode.

a screencap of captain hook (played by Colin O'Donoghue), emma (played by Jennifer Morrison), regina (played by Lana Parrilla), mary margaret (played by Ginnifer Goodwin) and David (played by Josh Dallas) standing around looking all determined and junk
TEAMWORK!

Rumpelstiltskin removes his Shadow and gives it the Dark One’s dagger for safekeeping. The Shadows are separate, autonomous beings from their casters (people that cast shadows?) I wonder if a shadow could betray it’s caster? Greg’s shadow better not jump back inside of him and bring him back to life. Weird, up until this point, Shadows were removed from inside people, but Rumpelstiltskin casts his Shadow onto a wall and cuts it off from his feet. (Don’t tell the writers that more that one light source can cause a person to cast multiple shadows.)

Hook and Charming are having a pissing match. This is a productive use of their energy.

Neverland is evil. EVIL! Everything is cursed, poisonous or annoying. EVIL!

The magic mirror/genie is back.

A rehash, yet again, in a flashback, of the old feud between Regina and the Charmings. She gives them an ultimatum, yet again, and, yet again, they find a way to weasel out of it. This show has to remind us every few episodes that the EVIL QUEEN is evil, or else we might forget.

Peter Pan totally pulls a “I like a girl with spirit!” with Emma and it is really, really gross.

Emma needs to admit to herself that she’s fairy tale Jesus. Why has fairy tale God forsaken her?

Ugh. They’re bickering again. Didn’t that thing with the mermaids teach them about teamwork? Why have they forgotten already?

a screencap of Snow White (played by Ginnifer Goodwin) with a deer behind her in the background
DEER SIGHTING!

What’s up with that deer in the background? I bet that deer is an evil spy. I saw an evil look in that devilish deer’s eye. Or, it’s Bambi.

Don’t spinning wheels usually have a pedal? Why is Rumpelstiltskin always turning it with his hands? When are we going to get the flashback where Aurora pricks her finger on Rumpelstiltskin’s spindle? Rumpelstiltskin must be involved in everybody’s backstory.

Belle can astral project or something. Or, she’s an illusion. Rumpelstiltskin needs to see a therapist. Rumpelstiltskin has daddy issues. Quickly, everyone start pitching your wild theories as to who Rumpelstiltskin’s father could be! My bet is that Rumpelstiltskin’s father is Merlin, who had to leave because he was aging backwards. Eventually, when Merlin became boy-aged, he realized that only had a few more years left before he would die, so he travelled to Neverland, where he would stop aging (or youngening), and became PETER PAN!

Snow White’s wig looks like it’s been farted upon by hobos.

The Enchanted Forest is really small. You can get anywhere in less than a half day’s ride.

Captain Hook and Prince Charming are in love with each other now.

How did Felix get Rumpelstiltskin’s old doll anyhow?

Excalibur? REALLY? Heh. Remember that time that Lancelot died offscreen? Um. Snow White can wield Excalibur? She’s “The Once and Future King”? Her name isn’t Arthur! HARUMPH.

Peter Pan is wearing Henry’s clothing. Henry is naked somewhere.

There’s a fight, but none of the stupid kids die. HARUMPH.

Captain Hook alludes to having done something horrible to Rufio in the past. I’m going to bet that they deviate from the storyline of the movie Hook and actually have the bad thing be something other that killing Rufio. Rufio will probably return as yet another character looking for revenge.

Adoption is evil. EVIL!

Oh, good, it’s a fake Excalibur. She just needed to think it was Excalibur, so that she would believe in herself. Incidentally, “Mudd’s Women” is a cruddy episode of Star Trek.

Rumpelstiltskin takes Snow White’s Mother’s necklace. This will probably be an important plot point later.

It’s implied that a fairy, possibly Tinker Bell, is messing with Rumpelstiltskin. YAY! More characters!

Prince Charming is poisoned!

That deer is my new favourite character. (I hope it’s Bambi!)

My Thoughts On: Once Upon a Time S03E01 “The Heart of the Truest Believer”

SPOILER ALERT! AREN’T THESE SPOILERS ALERTS GETTING ANNOYING!? SPOILER ALERT!

Well, kiddies, here we go again for a third season…

I’d say this episode was mostly exposition, if the word “exposition” meant explaining things in the vaguest way possible, presumably, so that they can stretch out the revelation of important plot points over as many episodes as possible. The ole soap opera style long con, is what we’ve got on our hands here.

a screencap of a doctor holding newborn henry mills
Now, be a good Spartan and leave him to die of exposure in the wilderness.

A the beginning of the show, we get a flashback to Emma giving birth to Henry and then giving him up. During the birth, her magic cause an electrical disturbance and makes the lights flash, and nobody notices or cares. Don’t ever send me to that hospital. They don’t care if a power surge knock the life-sustaining equipment out.

Emma finally calls attention to the fact that her mother, Mary Margaret,  is the same age as her and doesn’t really have that much wisdom to impart. Also, that her whole “Happily Ever After” shtick is useless and annoying.

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin (played by robert carlyle) wearing his old enchanted forest clothes
The clothes make the man.

Rumpelstiltskin changes into his old Enchanted Forest clothes. Where did Rumpelstiltskin get his old clothes from? Were they on the boat? Why did Captain Hook have Rumpelstiltskin’s clothing on his boat? I bet Captain Hook kept the Rumpelstiltskin’s clothes in his bunk and sniffed them during his alone time. Or… Rumpelstiltskin just magiced the clothing to the boat… Whatever.

Anyway, everybody on the boat is bickering and not working well together already and it’s a bit annoying how quickly the alliance of good and evil has started breaking down.

Soooo… Captain Hook was Baelfire surrogate father for awhile and now he’s crushing on Emma, Baelfire’s girlfriend. This is going to get awkward fast.

a screencap of greg mendell (played by ethan embry) starting a fire while tamara (played by sonequa martin-green) and henry (played by jared s. gilmore) look on
Marshmallows anyone?

Greg and Tamara take Henry on a sweet camping trip, the kind his mom and dad never had the time for.

It turns out that Greg and Tamara don’t know who they’re working for and they don’t know why they’re doing what they’re doing what they’re doing. They just know that they needed to kidnap Henry and bring him to Neverland and then, like, magic, which they HATE, will… er… stop or something. They know this because of FAITH. WHY DOESN’T ANYBODY ELSE HAVE FAITH LIKE THEY DO?

Greg and Tamara are big fat dummies.

a screen cap of lost boy felix (played by paker croft)
This is Felix. I hate Felix.

Hey, it’s Felix and the Lost Boys, here to ruin everybody’s good time. They want Henry.

a screencap of greg mendell (played by ethan emby) having his shadow removed by the evil shadow peter pan
YOUR SOUL IS MINE!

Felix calls the scary Neverland shadow creature to pull Greg’s soul out of his body. Greg looks like he’s dead. I hope he is. He was annoying.

I’m not sure anymore whether or not the scary flying shadow is Peter Pan. It may be a completely separate character. Remember, in the original Peter Pan, Peter’s shadow kept running off, until Wendy sewed the shadow to Peter Pan. I think something like that may be happening here. Peter not being in control of his malevolent, soul-stealing shadow is a little scary.

a screencap of tamara (played by sonequa martin-green) getting hit in the back by an arrow
YAY!

And, Tamara get’s shot in the back with and arrow and there is much rejoicing. She doesn’t die though. Rumpelstiltskin comes by later and crushes her heart into dust, so that was good.

Free of Greg and Tamara, Henry runs into the woods to escape The Lost Boys.

a screencap of henry mills (played by jared s. gilmore) meeting a blond boy (played by robbie kay)
Just what we needed, another KID!

So, Jojen Reed finally meets Bran Stark in the forest and explains how their fathers were great allies during Robert’s Rebellion. Er… I mean… Some blond kid saves Henry from the mean upperclassmen that were chasing him.

a screencap of mulan (played by jamie chung), aurora (played by sarah bolger) and prince philip (played by julia morris) rushing to the side of baelfire (played by michael raymond-james)
Remember these guys?

Mulan, Aura and Prince Philip treat Neal’s wounds and, for some strange reason, put him on Aurora’s sleeping curse bed. Why would they do that? It’s just weird. Put the poor guy on a proper bed, jeez.

Hey, Prince Philip’s soul is back in his body! They never showed us how Prince Philip’s soul was returned to his body. I SMELL A FLASHBACK EPISODE COMING UP!

They keep asking Neal about Earth and technology and stuff, and being all like “Your world frightens and confuses me”. Weird that they didn’t really do that when they were hanging out with Emma.

Anyhoo, I predict many, many episodes of wandering around the forest and not really doing much for these brave adventurers.

a screencap of some evil mermaids
SPARKLY!

So, back to the boat, which is taking forever to reach the shores of Neverland, and evil mermaids start hitting the boat with their tails. Apparently, they’re really strong, because they actually start causing damage.

David straight-up starts firing a canon at the mermaids and it is ridiculous. He’s trying to murder sentient creatures without talking to them first. Maybe attacking the boat was all a big misunderstanding! We’ll never know, because attempting to explode them was his first choice of action.

a screencap of an evil mermaid (played by natasha wilson)
Grrrrrrrr…

They capture one of the mermaids for some reason and she is pissed. She uses a magic conch shell to conjure a  typhoon. I think Link from The Legend of Zelda had one of those.

Regina tells David to “Flay the bitch!”

FLAY THE BITCH? Holy Hell! I thought this was a family program!

Anyway, it turns out that the typhoon is fuelled by interpersonal discord and it just gets worse and worse as the people on the boat keep bickering and punching eachother in the face. Emma figures out that they need to start working together to stop the typhoon. She trows herself of the boat, so that they have to work together to save her. Emma is an idiot.

I think that the mermaid was really a magical angel, sent to our heroes to teach them the value of friendship and teamwork.

*SPOILERS* I already know from previews that Ariel is going to show up this season and this isn’t here. I wonder if this is actually Ursula? She can use a bit of magic like Ursula at least.

a screencap of robin hood (played by sean maguire)
THIS ROBIN HOOD IS AN IMPOSTER

Back to the Enchanted Forest. Remember all the junk last season about nothing being left of the Enchanted Forest after the curse but a void? Complete bunk! Even Rumpelstiltskin’s castle is still there! So, Neal goes to his father’s castle to try and find a magic trinket or dealy that would open up a portal to return to Emma.

Robin Hood, played by a new actor, is there, because he likes touching other people’s stuff. Maid Marion is nowhere to be found.

I hope we have a situation where it’s The Merry Men VS The Lost Boys. I hope there isn’t anything, like, through weird time travel shenanigans, that The Lost Boys become The Merry Men. That would be silly.

a screencap of henry (played by jared s. gilmore) and peter pan (played by robbie kay) flying through the air trailing pixie dust
THUNDERPANTS!

So, blondy has some magic fairy dust, but it only works if you truly believe it will work. Henry will believe anything that you tell hi, so of course Henry can use the dust to fly.

It turns out that the blond kid is Peter Pan and he was being all tricksy and stuff with Henry to test his belief. It turn out that Henry has “The Heart of the Truest Believer”. What does The Heart of the Truest Believer do? I bet that we’ll have to wait many, many episodes to find out. Also, how did Peter Pan find out about Henry and the he may have The Heart of the Truest Believer? There better not be a prophecy involved here. (There probably is.)

Also, it turns out that Peter Pan was the one giving Greg and Tamara their orders this whole time, in order to trick them into bringing Henry to him. But how? Neither he or his lost boys could contact them directly because they hate magic. Also, Peter Pan would have had to have a way to contact people on other worlds. If he could do that, why didn’t he just contact Henry directly, trick him into coming to Neverland and cut out the middleman? Greg and Tamara are so fanatical about their hate for magic, what if they just decided to deviate from Pan’s plan and kill all the magical creatures, Henry included? How did Peter Pan know that the citizen of Storybrooke were growing magic beans and that Greg and Tamara would be able to obtain one of the beans to get to Neverland? We see that he can send his shadow to Earth to steal child. Why didn’t he just have the shadow steal Henry? None of it makes any sense.

Bah. Whatever. See you next week.

Once Upon a Time Season 2 Catch Up

SPOILER ALERT! Well, you really should know all of this by now, but I’m warning you anyway.

Well, it’s almost time for season 3 of Once Upon a Time. Now would be a really good time for you to catch up on any episodes you missed from season 2. Luckily I have made you with handy list with be plot points!

All episode titles link to posts that I wrote about that episode and character names link to the tag archive for that character.

Table of Contents:

  1. Broken
  2. We Are Both
  3. Lady of the Lake
  4. The Crocodile
  5. The Doctor
  6. Tallahassee
  7. Child of the Moon
  8. Into the Deep
  9. Queen of Hearts
  10. The Cricket Game
  11. The Outsider
  12. In the Name of the Brother
  13. Tiny
  14. Manhattan
  15. The Queen is Dead
  16. The Miller’s Daughter
  17. Welcome to Storybrooke
  18. Selfless, Brave and True
  19. Lacey
  20. The Evil Queen
  21. Second Star to the Right
  22. And Straight On ‘Til Morning

S02E01 Broken

S02E02 We Are Both

  • The people of Storybrooke, having newly regained the memories of their past lives, must come to grips with essentially being two people at once.
  • Grumpy pushes Sneezy across the townline which makes Sneezy lose his fairy tale memories, leaving him with just his memories of being Mr. Clark.
  • David searches for a way to open a portal to the Enchanted Forest to retrieve Emma and Snow White.
  • In the past, Regina uses a magic looking glass that Rumpelstiltskin gave her to trap her mother, Cora, in Wonderland.
  • It is revealed that Rumpelstiltskin is the one that originally taught Regina how to use magic, specifically, dark magic.
  • Regina rediscovers how to use magic in Storybrooke, but changes her mind on using it to make Henry love her, because it would not be a real love.
  • Meanwhile, in the present-day Enchanted Forest, Mulan and Aurora have taken Emma and Snow White prisoner.

S02E03 Lady of the Lake

  • Sir Lancelot is introduced.
  • In the past Enchanted Forest, Snow White is kidnapped by King George who poisons her so that she cannot have a child.
  • King George’s men also shoot Prince Charming’s mother with a poison arrow.
  • Snow White, Lancelot, Prince Charming and his mother all travel Lake Nostos for a cure, but there is only enough water left there to heal one person.
  • Prince Charming’s mother pretends to drink the healing water and Lancelot secretly puts the healing water in Snow White’s goblet.
  • Prince Charming’s mother sacrifices her life to cure Snow White and lives just long enough to see Snow White and Prince Charming get married, which was her dearest wish.
  • In the present-day Enchanted Forest, Snow White and Emma are trapped in a prison with Cora.
  • Lancelot, having recognized Snow White from their past dealing frees them from the prison and they go off in search of the wardrobe that brought Emma to our world.
  • They find the wardrobe, but it turns out that Lancelot was really Cora in disguise and they have to destroy the wardrobe to keep her from getting her hands on it.
  • In Storybrooke, Jefferson is reunited with his daughter and David has trouble dealing with his new job of taking care of Henry.

S02E04 The Crocodile

  • This is the first appearance of Captain Hook, Smee and Rumpelstiltskin’s wife, Milah.
  • In the past Enchanted Forest, Milah ran off with the pirate, Killian Jones, and Rumpelstiltskin crushed Milah’s heart and cut off Killian’s hand in retaliation, making Killian into Captain Hook and Rumpelstiltskin into the crocodile (metaphorically?).
  • In Storybrooke, Moe attempts to get his daughter, Belle, over the townline to erase her memories of her love for Rumpelstiltskin, but Rumpelstiltskin saves her at the last second.
  • In the present-day Enchanted Forest, Cora shows a bottle of the ashes from the wardrobe to Captain Hook and they start hatching a plan to get to Storybrooke.

S02E05 The Doctor

S02E06 Tallahassee

  • This is the first appearance of Anton the giant.
  • In the past, Emma is a thief and she falls in love with a fellow thief named “Neal Cassidy“.
  • August Booth meets alone with Neal and convinces him that Emma, in order to fulfill her special destiny, must be rehabilitated from her life of crime and he convinces Neal to rat Emma out for a crime that she didn’t commit so that she will be thrown in jail, because jail will straighten her out or something.
  • Emma finds out that she is pregnant in jail.
  • In the present-day Enchanted Forest, Emma climbs the the beanstalk, retrieves the magic compass, decides to spare the giant’s life and leaves Captain Hook chained up in the giant’s castle.
  • Aurora has been having nightmares ever since she was woken from the sleeping curse.
  • Henry is also having nightmares after coming out of his sleeping curse

S02E07 Child of the Moon

  • In the past Enchanted Forest, while on the run from the Evil Queen, Red gets split up from Snow White and runs into her mother who Granny said was dead.
  • Red’s mother and her wolf pack teach Red how to control her wolf form.
  • Snow White finds Red, but accidentally leads some of the Evil Queen’s men to the wolves’ lair and they kill one of the pack.
  • Red’s mother believes the death is Snow White’s fault and wants Red to kill her. Red and her mother fight instead and the mother is accidentally killed in the process.
  • In Storybrooke, the dwarves have found fairy dust and they think that it can be used to fix Jefferson’s hat.
  • Albert Spencer frames Ruby for the murder of Billy and uses the the resultant distraction to steal Jefferson’s hat and destroy it.
  • Aurora and Henry meet in their nightmares.

S02E08 Into the Deep

  • In the present-day Enchanted Forest, Cora raises an undead army of the people that she stole hearts from.
  • Henry meets with Aurora in the nightmare zone.
  • David ends up trapped in the sleeping curse.

S02E09 Queen of Hearts

S02E10 The Cricket Game

S02E11 The Outsider

S02E12 In the Name of the Brother

S02E13 Tiny

S02E14 Manhattan

S02E15 The Queen is Dead

S02E16 The Miller’s Daughter

S02E17 Welcome to Storybrooke

S02E18 Selfless, Brave and True

S02E19 Lacey

S02E20 The Evil Queen

  • In the past Enchanted Forest, Regina disguises herself as a peasant so that she can find out what people really think about her.
  • In the present Storybrooke, Regina ventures into the catacombs with Hook to retrieve a trigger that will annihilate Storybrooke. Regina plans to escape the annihilation with Henry by using a magic bean she stole.
  • Hook betrays Regina and gives her to Greg and Tamara.
  • Greg and Tamara kidnap Regina, because Greg wants to know what Regina did with his father, Kurt Flynn.

S02E21 Second Star to the Right

  • After falling through the portal that his father, Rumpelstilskin, refused to travel through, Baelfire is transported to 19th century England, where he is taken in by Wendy Darling and her family.
  • The Darling children are visited every night by a malevolent shadow creature. Baelfire allows himself to be taken by this creature to Neverland so that the Darling children would be spared by it.
  • Neal finds out that Tamara is evil and plotting Storybrooke’s destruction.
  • Tamara shoots Neal  and he falls into a portal she created with magic bean.
  • Regina had killed Greg’s Father, Kurt.

S02E22 And Straight On ‘Til Morning

My Thoughts On: Once Upon a Time S02E22 “And Straight On ‘Til Morning”

SPOILER ALERT! TODAY’S RECAP WILL BE PRESENTED IN ALL CAPS, BECAUSE SHUT UP, THAT’S WHY! SPOILER ALERT!

THIS WEEK’S EPISODE WAS THE SEASON FINALE AND I’M GLAD, BECAUSE I’M NOT SURE HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS I WOULD BE ABLE TO TAKE.

AND, NOW, HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT I YELLED AT THE TV WHILE THE EPISODE WAS AIRING:

A SCREENCAP OF GRUMPY (PLAYED BY LEE ARENBERG) HOLDING A MAGIC MEMORY-RETURNING POTION
IT’S BLUE LIKE ROMULAN ALE

THE BLUE FAIRY MADE A LAST-MINUTE POTION THAT CAN RETURN PEOPLE’S MEMORIES TO THEM? THAT’S GODDAMN CONVENIENT.

GRUMPY IS GOING TO RETURN SLEEPY’S MEMORIES TO HIM AGAINST HIS WILL? MAGIC ASSAULT!

WELL, I WAS WRONG. THE WRITERS DID FIND A WAY TO RETURN SLEEPY’S MEMORY TO HIM BY THE LAST EPISODE. THEY FOUND A VERY HALF-ASSED, HAND-WAVEY WAY TO RETURN SLEEPY’S MEMORY TO HIM. GOOD FOR THEM.

A SCREENCAP OF CAPTAIN HOOK (PLAYED BY COLIN O'DONOGHUE) TEACHING YOUNG BAELFIRE (PLAYED BY DYLAN SCHMID) HOW TO STEER A SHIP
STEER THE BOOT THROUGH CGI INFESTED WATERS

BAELFIRE HAS THREE DADS NOW! RUMPELSTILTSKIN, MR. DARLING AND CAPTAIN HOOK! WHAT A LUCKY BOY!

HOW IS CAPTAIN HOOK EVEN A PIRATE? WE NEVER SEE HIM PILLAGING EVER. DOES THE EYELINER MAKE HIM A PIRATE?

THEY MENTION CURSED MERMAIDS A WHOLE BUNCH AND WE NEVER SEE THEM. I FEEL CHEATED.

A SCREENCAP OF EMMA SWAN (PLAYED BY JENNIFER MORRISON) AND REGINA MILLS (PLAYED BY LANA PARRILLA) COMBING THEIR MAGIC TO STOP THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE
MORTAL ENEMIES WORKING TOGETHER FOR THE COMMON GOOD!

THE SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON FOR STORYBROOKE IS UNSTOPPABLE… NOT! IT ONLY NEEDS TWO MAGIC USERS TO STOP IT. EMMA HAS BARELY HAD ANY PRACTICE AT USING MAGIC AND THEY STILL STOPPED IT. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE DIED AND THE DESTRUCTION WAS MINIMAL. WEREN’T THEY ADVERTISING THAT THE SEASON FINALE WAS GOING TO BE DEVASTATING?

A SCREENCAP OF GREG MENDELL (PLAYED BY ETHAN EMBRY) AND TAMARA (PLAYED BY SONEQUA MARTIN-GREEN) KIDNAPPING HENRY MILLS (PLAYED BY JARED S. GILMORE)
DON’T WORRY, HE’LL ANNOY THEM SO MUCH THEY’LL PAY TO GET RID OF HIM

SOMEHOW GREG AND TAMARA MANAGE TO BE COMPLETELY SILENT AND INVISIBLE TO KIDNAP HENRY WHEN HE WAS RIGHT BESIDE HIS MOMS AND HIS GRANDPARENTS. THEY ALSO GAIN A LARGE LEAD ON THEM DESPITE ONLY JOG-WALKING AWAY.

GREG AND TAMARA ARE, YET AGAIN, EXTREMELY VAGUE ABOUT WHO THEY ARE WORKING FOR AND WHAT EXACTLY THEIR CAUSE IS. I SERIOUSLY BELIEVE THAT THE WRITERS THEMSELVES DON’T KNOW AND THEY’RE USING VAGUENESS TO BUY THEMSELVES SOME TIME. THEY KEEP USING WORDS LIKE “HOLY” AND “SACRED”, SO I’M JUST GOING TO PRETEND THAT THEY’RE WORKING FOR THE POPE, UNTIL I’M TOLD OTHERWISE.

A SCREENCAP OF EMMA SWAN (PLAYED BY JENNIFER MORRISON), REGINA MILLS (PLAYED BY LANA PARRILLA), MR. GOLD (PLAYED BY REOBERT CARLYLE), CAPTAIN HOOK (PLAYED BY COLIN O'DONOGHUE), MARY MARGARET (PLAYED BY GINNIFER GOODWIN) AND DAVID NOLAN (PLAYED BY JOSH DALLAS) BRACING THEMSELVES ON A BOAT
THEY’RE ON A BOAT!

EVERYBODY IS FRIENDS NOW! EMMA, REGINA, CAPTAIN HOOK, MARY MARGARET AND DAVID PUT ASIDE THEIR DIFFERENCES IN ORDER TO FORM AN ELITE TEAM AND GET HENRY BACK. THEY HATED EACHOTHER JUST FIVE MINUTES AGO, BUT WHO CARES? SHUT YOUR BUTT!

AAAAAANNNNDDDDDDD…IT LOOKS LIKE THE BIG BAD FOR NEXT SEASON IS GOING TO BE PETER PAN. THEY BETTER GET A MICHAEL JACKSON LOOKALIKE TO PLAY PETER PAN.

GRAGH! *SMASH* *STOMP* NARG! *SMASH* SNARGH! *STOMP*

My Thoughts On: Once Upon a Time S02E21 “Second Star to the Right”

SPOILER ALERT!

I am angry at this show. This show makes me angry.

Young Baelfire emerges from the portal created by the magic bean a half-foot taller and with a deeper voice. He is in 19th century London, England. He promptly decides to become a moppet, or a ragamuffin, or a 19th century cockney bootblack… or something. Anyway, it’s a job that doesn’t pay the bills. He takes to breaking into people’s houses and stealing food to survive.

Anyhoo… One of the houses he decides to rob happens to be the home of Wendy Moira Angela Darling (of Peter Pan fame) and she decides to take pity on Baelfire, the poor street urchin, and keep him in her crawlspace and feed him table scraps. This is the first instance of a person being kept in a crawlspace while not also being tortured and/or murdered that I have ever seen. Wendy’s parents discover this strange arrangement and, instead of being angry, decide that the best course of action is for this peripubescent boy to move out of the crawlspace and stay in their peripubescent daughter’s bedroom instead. Incidentally, in the olden days, when you found a parentless child, instead of having to report them to the authorities, you could just decide to keep them.

Alright, so Tamara’s grandmother isn’t Wendy. I am usually wrong most of the time, so you shouldn’t have believed me anyway. I don’t think this is the last we’re going to see of Wendy though.

a screencap of young baelfire (played by dylan schmid), wendy darling (played by freya tingley) and the shadow played by cgi
Hey! Dark Link wants to take me on an adventure and I’m going!

It turns out that Bae’s would-be girlfriend, Wendy, has been being visited in the middle of the night by a magic shadow. The shadow looks evil and acts ominous but Wendy thinks it’s wonderful. That is, until the shadow takes her to Neverland, which turns out to be a horrible place where children miss their parents for eternity and the shadow wants to take one of her brothers there. Bae ends up sacrificing himself and going to Neverland instead and that’s the reason why Baelfire isn’t 130 years old in present day on the show.

One thing I noticed is that although they say “Neverland” a lot in this episode, they never actually mention Peter Pan. I wonder if they are trying to weasel their way out of having to pay royalties to the Great Ormand Street Hospital who own the rights to Peter Pan?

Some other stuff that happened:

  • Lacey and Mr. Gold beat up Dr. Whale, because it is fun and also to remind the audience that Dr. Whale exists. I assume Dr. Whale will play some sort of important part in this season’s finale because of this.
  • Lacey is still an alcoholic.
  • Greg and Tamara are trying to murder magic because it’s unholy or something.
  • Greg and Tamara keep alluding to some worldwide anti-magic organization that they belong to without ever naming it. I bet the writers haven’t actually come up with what the organization is yet.
  • David gives his gun to Emma, but then in the next scene he points his gun at Greg. CONTINUITY ERROR!
  • Tamara shoots Neal and throws a magic bean at him. He falls through a portal AGAIN.
a screencap of emma swan (played by jennifer morrison) about to lose her grip on neal cassidy (played by michael raymond-james) over a portal to another world
WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME!?

Things that I think aren’t going to happen in the finale:

  • Sneezy getting his memory back
  • The big reveal of the secret organization that Tamara and Greg belong to
  • Dr. Frankentstein finding his brother
  • Finding out where Neal went when he fell through the portal this time around
  • Rumpelstiltskin’s undoing