Recap: Once Upon a Time in Wonderland S01E06 “Who’s Alice”

SPOILER ALERT! I’M LATE! I’M LATE! FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE!

I didn’t really like this episode, but let’s see if I can come up with something to say about it anyway.

a screencap of laudanum, a tincture of opium
Yummy!

One of the first things we learn in this episode is that Dr. Lyndgate is doped out of his mind most of the time. I looked it up and laudanum is a tincture of opium. So that’s fun.

a screencap of alice (played by sopie lowe) meeting her half-sister, millie (played by kylie rogers)
Matching Pink Butterfly Net

So, to set the scene, we’re back in the past and Alice thinks that Cyrus is dead. She has been unceremoniously dumped back into Victorian England near her house.

A little girl runs up to Alice. Who is she?

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) reunited with her father, edwin (played by shaun smyth)
SO MANY FEELINGS

It’s Alice’s half-sister, Millie!?

Time in Wonderland and Victorian England must work differently, because it turns out that several years have passed while she was in Wonderland, enough time for her father, Edwin, to start a whole new family.

Alice is much more concerned about losing the boyfriend she’s had for, like, 3 days, than the father she abandoned for a decade. The most important love is True Love™.

a screencap of alice's stepmother sarah (played by heather doerksen)
Grrrrrrrrr…

Alice’s new stepmother, Sarah, is evil and hates Alice, because of course she does. Once Upon a Time in Wonderland only subverts traditional female fairytale roles for its heroes, the villainous women have to all be clichés.

Wouldn’t it have been interesting if Alice’s new stepmother was the one that was sympathetic to Alice, the one defending Alice from a father that doesn’t understand her?

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) inhaling some purple mist
Somebody’s baking purple cookies!

Back to the present, Alice is wandering around the forest looking for Cyrus, because the producers paid a lot to rent out this section of the Vancouver forest and, buy gum, they’re going to get their money’s worth out of it.

So, Alice wanders around the Black Forest (Hey! It prefers to be called the “African-American Forest”) and she ends up in the Boro Grove, which is still pretty much the same forest, only it’s more purpley.

The first thing Alice does in the Boro Grove is inhale a strange, purple mist, because, you know, that’s what one should do when they come upon an unidentified gaseous substance. The mist make her all mimsy. Get it? It’s like “All mimsy were the borogoves”. It’s like that thing from that book by that guy!

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) meeting the carpenter (played by john prowse)
Where’s the Walrus?

We meet the Carpenter from the poem The Carpenter and the Walrus. He doesn’t do anything really, except stand around and become a tree, because he inhaled the purple mist. His buddy, the Walrus, is nowhere to be found. They’re just name-dropping a character from Through the Looking-Glass to remind us that we’re still in Wonderland, because, really, without the occasional shout-out  and fibreglass mushroom, this is just like any other generic fairytale world. I blame all the wandering about in the woods.

a screencap of the red queen (played by emma rigby) berating a tweedle (played by matty finochio)
It’s a SHADE-OFF!

The Red Queen also wanders around the woods, because they needed to give her something to do this episode. She wants capture Cyrus for evil reasons. but, like, they’re reason’s that are slightly less evil than the reasons that Jafar want’s him for. We still don’t know what either of them are trying actually trying to accomplish and it’s hard to stay interested at extremely vague hints at potential evil doings.

The Red Queen is really mean to her Tweedle. What are the Tweedles, exactly? Is a Tweedle a type of critter, or is it a family name? When are we going to find out how they became David Bowie fans?

Anyway, she better start being nice to the Tweedles, or they’ll probably quit doing her hair up all pretty-like. Oh… And they’ll probably keep reporting her secrets to Jafar, which is what I assume the missing Tweedle is doing.

a screencap of alice (played by sopie lowe) at dinner with her family (played by john prowse, heather doerksen and kylie rogers)
Awkward!

Back in the past, Alice is having a lot of trouble readjusting to Victorian England norms. Her evil stepmother wants to marry Alice off as soon as possible, because finding a good husband is the best a woman can hope for in Victorian England. Doesn’t Stepmom know that in Wonderland a girl can aspire to be a princess or an evil witch? It’s way more progressive in Wonderland.

And it’s not like Alice offers up any viable alternatives to her stepmother’s plan. Moping over your dead boyfriend and trying to convince people that Wonderland is real isn’t going to put food on the table, Alice.

Alice says that they should believe her about Wonderland, because love means never having to provide proof, or something. You know, my Uncle Vito told us to believe that he had stopped drink because we loved him, and then he drove his Honda Accord into a lake. Sometimes, love means throwing Uncle Vito into rehab. And so, Alice gets carted off to Bethlem Asylum for saying crazy-sounding things.

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) turning into a tree
This is not good.

You know that purple mist from earlier? It turns you into a tree for some reason. Don’t worry, the Knave shows up to save her.

Why doesn’t the Knave start turning into a tree as well, you ask? Well, as it turns out, when Alice got the Knave’s heart back for him, he never bother putting it back in.

But the Knave doesn’t act heartless at all! Actually, I’d say that he seems to have the biggest heart of anyone on this show. He agreed to help the White Rabbit save Alice, even though there was nothing in it for him. He’s always trying to find nonviolent solutions to things, while Alice is going around stabbing everything. He apologized for breaking Silvermist’s heart. These aren’t the actions of a heartless man.

a screencap of jafar (played by naveen andrews) meeting alice's father, edwin (played by john prowse)
Greeting, my jolly-good chum!

Oh. Did I mention that Jafar is in Victorian England? Well he is and he stole some guy’s clothing and left him dead and naked in a field. Sure, Jafar could have probably just have magiced himself some new clothes, but the other way was more fun.

Jafar is probably going to do nasty things to Alice’s dad.

a screencap of cyrus (played by peter gadiot) falling off a cliff
Again with the falling?

And then Cyrus fell off a cliff again, because it’s his favourite pastime.

Some other stuff:

According to the creators of the show, there is an entire Victorian England realm, so this show doesn’t actually involve any time travel. I’m still waiting for them to go to the Star Wars realm.

Seriously, what the Heck happened to Elizabeth Lizard? Did she die? Why does no one seem to care?

Recap: Once Upon a Time in Wonderland S01E05 “Heart of Stone”

SPOILER ALERT! I KNOW ALL YOUR SECRETS!

In this episode, we throw our whole lives away for a guy we just met.

a screencap of will scarlet (played by michael socha) and anastasia (played by emma rigby) about to jump into the looking glass
Hwuh?

Anastasia and Will Scarlet are all happy and about to head off to Wonderland when…

a screencap of anastasia's mother (played by sarah-jane redmond) being angry
THEY’RE ALL GOING TO LAUGH AT YOU!

Anastasia’s mom shows up to ruin their good time.

It turns out that Anastasia is quite the disappointment to her mother, because she’s not a queen or even a noblewoman and she can’t stand the fact that her daughter has fallen in love with the commoner, Will Scarlet. This is basically rehash of the relationship that Regina had with her mother, Cora, on Once Upon a Time.

Anastasia’s mother mentions that Anastasia has sister’s. If this is the Anastasia from the Cinderella story, then her sisters will be Cinderella and Drizella. Cinderella, as you may remember, is also Ashley Boyd in Storybrooke. We haven’t seen Ashley for a long time. She had just given birth, if I recall correctly. I wonder if they’d actually consider bringing Cinderella back for Once Upon a Time in Wonderland? I hope that mentioning the sisters isn’t just another allusion that doesn’t pay off.

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) covering the stone knave with a blanket
Yes. That is very helpful, Alice.

Alice feels really bad about the Knave getting turned to stone.

What happened Elizabeth the Lizard? She was right there with them wasn’t she? Lizard seemed really interested in helping the Knave, but she’s just up and disappeared.

a scrreencap of the old prisoner (played by brian george) in a cage
I’ve been here since aught-diggity, laddie.

So, Cyrus escapes, but the old prisoner decides not to go with him.

I actually have a new theory as to just who the old prisoner is. I think it may actually be an older Jafar from another universe or timeline. Young Jafar wants Old Jafar to tell him about his future, but Old Jafar knows exactly what a horrible person he was when he was younger, so he’s keeping his mouth shut. He doesn’t want Young Jafar to have any more power.

a screencap of anastasia (played by emma rigby) flirting with the king (played by garwin sanford)
What boyfriend?

Back in the past, Will Scarlet and Anastasia sneak into a royal ball to steal bread, because breaking into a bakery would be riskier, duh.

While Will is off doing the dirty work stealing roll, Anastasia flirts with the king. It all goes so well until one of the ladies notices that Anastasia is wearing a dress stolen from her carriage and they get kicked out. Who steals a dress from a carriage right outside the place they are sneaking into? And who keeps extra clothing just lying around in their carriage?

Hey remember that time that Cinderella snuck into a ball, and that time that Cora snuck into a ball, and that that time Ariel and Snow White into a ball, like, only two weeks ago? They need to find another activity for the upper class of the fairy tale world to engage in.

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) crossing the great divide while the red queen (played by emma rigby) looks on
Should’ve leapt from the lion’s head.

Remember that scene from Indian Jones and the Last Crusade, where Indy has to take a leap of faith? This episode totally rips that scene off, but they take twenty minutes doing it.

So, yeah, this week’s magical macguffin is magical dust that can only be found by taking a leap of faith into the Great Divide. The Red Queen needs the dust to protect herself fro Jafar, but the catch is that one needs a pure heart to take the leap and the Red Queen’s heart has been tainted by her evil deeds. Apparently, Alice has a pure heart, which I don’t really buy. Remember how Alice just stabbed the Mock Turtle for no reason? In fact, Alice is always threatening people with her sword. That’s not the type of thing someone with a pure heart would do, I shouldn’t think. Alice falls into the chasm anyway, maybe because her heart isn’t entirely pure?

a screencap of jafar (played by naveen andrews) holding aloft the white rabbit's severed foot
Something’s afoot…

Meanwhile, Jafar has his turncoat Tweedle bring him the White Rabbit. Jafar wants the White Rabbit to tell him who Alice’s loved ones are, so that he can hold them hostage and force Alice to use her remaining wishes to save them. The White Rabbit Refuses to, that is, until Jafar chops off one of his feet in a scene that’s sure to he traumatized many of the younger viewer.

The White Rabbit tells Jafar who the loved on is off-screen. I find that type of thing annoying. They interrupt the narrative flow just so they can stretch a reveal out over several episodes and usually the payoff is a letdown.

They want us to think that this loved one is really Alice’s father, but I bet that it’s her mother. Or her kitten. Didn’t Alice have a kitten in the story?

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) meeting her younger self doppelganger (played by millie brown)
Creepy…

In the chasm of dust or whatever, Alice is confronted with a creepy doppelganger moppet of her younger self. The doppelganger tries to goad Alice into killing the Red Queen, but Alice has too much of a pure heart to kill her. The doppelganger then crumples into the magic dust. Is the dust actually the remains of the doppelganger? Are they carrying around the ashes of a dead ghost girl? This sequence was just weird.

a screencap of anastasia (played by emma rigby) waving with the king (played by garwin sanford)
You don’t even know this man’s name…

Anastasia later breaks back into the palace to try and steal the crown jewels. The king catches her, but instead of having her beheaded he’s all like, “Hey, kid, I like your gumption! Why don’t you marry me and junk?”

And so, Anastasia abandons her love and Anastasia marries a man she just met 10 minutes ago for the power and riches. Didn’t Cora do this exact same thing? Is betraying the person you love to marry into royalty how all the ladies become queens in wonderland?

The king isn’t around anymore, so the Red Queen probably ends up killing him or something? Or does she really fall in love with him, but he dies and that’s why she wants to change the laws of magic, so she can bring the king back from the dead?

Recap: Once Upon a Time in Wonderland S01E04 “The Serpent”

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

In his episode, we learn about Jafar and how his daddy issues turned him evil.

a screencap of a young jafar (played by anthony keyvan)
Don’t worry, he’ll be evil soon.

You see, Jafar is the bastard child of the Sultan of Agrabah, who rejects him and forces him to live like and orphan on the streets of Agrabah. He should feel lucky that the Sultan merely cast him out, instead of having him killed. Royal types tend not to like leaving loose heirs lying around.

a screencap of amara (played by zuliekha robinson)
She’s pretty, but she’s evil.

One day, Jafar sees a chance to get revenge against the Sultan. He’ll get an evil sorceress, Amara, to teach him magic that he will use against the Sultan.

Too bad there’s no fairy tale land version of Maury to sort out this whole paternity mess.

a screencap of jafar (played by naveen andrews) kissing amara (played by zuliekha robinson)
Icky.

Amara’s training of Jafar goes a bit like Rumpelstiltskin’s training of Regina. Eventually Jafar must commit and evil deed, not giving an antidote to a poisoned man, to prove he’s willing to go all the way in this evil magic business. It’s pretty much exactly like how Regina had to tear out and crush a heart to prove herself to Rumpelstiltskin.

Once he’s proven himself, Amara reveals her final magical secret to Jafar: if they obtain the world’s three genies, then they can change the very laws of magic.

Capturing three genies, killing countless people and changing the laws of magic seems like overkill just to show your father how angry you are at him., but, whatever, Jafar is really, really angry at the guy. Just zapping the Sultan in the ace with a lightning bolt of something apparently wouldn’t be enough to get the point across.

Ooooor… Does Jafar really want to change the laws of magic, so that he can change the past and have a good childhood with a loving father?

I found the romantic relationship between Amara and Jafar to be a bit icky, because she had trained him since he was a kid. I bet that’s exactly how the writers wanted the audience to feel about it though.

a screencap of some genie containment units
Poor Sidney

So, who’s the third genie? We’ve already met Cyrus the genie and Sidney Glass the genie from Once Upon a Time. Will the third genie be a new character or someone we’ve met before?

This also messes up the timelines in Once Upon a Time and Once Upon a Time in Wonderland. It shows that Jafar was in possession of Sidney’s lamp before Sidney met Regina, but we first meet the Knave of Hearts in present-day Storybrooke where Sidney is now a magic mirror and not a genie. TIME PRETZEL.

a screencap of jafar's old prisoner (played by brian george)
Is this the Sultan of Agrabah?

I’m going to bet right now that the mystery prisoner in the dungeon with Cyrus is really the Sultan of Agrabah, but why is Jafar just keeping him prisoner, instead of killing him and getting his revenge?

a screencap of a tweedle in ziggy stardust makeup and the red queen (played by emma rigby)
Throwing shade like professionals!

Yadda. Yadda. Yadda. The Red Queen captures the Knave of Hearts and they have a bunch of angry feelings together over their shared past and betrayal, after which the Red Queen decides she’ll have the Knave beheaded.

One of the Ziggy Stardust Tweedles is really a double agent and sharing the Red Queen’s secrets with Jafar, but I’m not sure whether it’s Dee or Dum. I wonder if this will drive a wedge between the twin brothers?

a screencap of elizabeth the lizard (played by lauren mcknight)
This lizard needs to be greener.

Hey, we make a new friend! Meet Elizabeth, or Lizard as everyone calls her. The Knave of Hearts helped her out in the past and taught her how to be a thief. Lizard is totally in love with the Knave of hearts now, so she would be really sad if the Knave of Hearts lost his head.

Lizard and Alice disguise themselves as executioners to stop the Knaves execution, just like Socrates and Billy the Kid did for Bill and Ted in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

a screencap of the knave of hearts (played by cgi) turned to stone with a tweedle behind him
The Knave is so stoned right now.

It’s all in vain though, because Jafar and the Red Queen just show up right after the rescue to spoil everyone’s fun. Jafar is about to kill the Knave, until Alice uses one of her wishes to stop him. She wishes that she ill die if the Knave dies. For some reason, if you kill a genie’s master, you can’t get any wishes from the genie. Does this mean that if a genie’s master die accidentally, that the genie can never grant any wishes again, or does it only happen if the master is murdered? Anyway, Jafar can’t kill Alice or the Knave, if wants to get Cyrus transferred to him.

Angered, Jafar turns the Knave into stone, hoping that Alice will have to use one of her wishes to turn him back into flesh.

a screencap of jafar's staff
*HISS*

In the past, Jafar had also turned Amara into a magical staff. Jafar likes turning people into inanimate objects. At least she gets to be at the side of the man she love forever now.

a screencap of burp guard (played by christian bower)
*BRAP*

Meet Burp Guard. Burp Guard is my new hero. Burp Guard provides Cyrus with a wishbone that Cyrus can magically use to escape from his cage. Genies have magic over any object with the word “wish” in it, don’t you know?

So, yeah, this episode ends with Cyrus starting to escape from his cage, but I bet it will still be a few episode before he and Alice are reunited. Heck, at the start of next week’s episode, I bet Jafar shows up just before Cyrus is about to break free and stops him while cackling or something.

My Thoughts On: Once Upon a Time S03E06 “Ariel”

SPOILER ALERT! THIS EPISODE CONTAINS COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF CGI!

This week on Once Upon a Time, Snow White goes to the prom with a freaky fish lady.

a screencap of snow white (played by ginnifer goodwin) and the mermaid ariel (played by joanna garcia swisher) hanging out on some rocks
Surf & Turf

So, Snow White jumps into the sea to escape Regina’s men and then Ariel the mermaid saves her from drowning. They become fast friends.

It turns out that Ariel fell in love at first sight with the human Prince Eric, but she’s afraid that they can never be together on account of the whole being a mermaid that must live in water thing.

Why is it that every female character on this has to have a backstory that’s all about true love and trying to have a “happily ever after”? Are they not allowed to deviate from the Disney movie formula?

a screencap of ariel (played by joanna garcia swisher) and snow white (played by ginnifer goodwin)
Legs prominently featured

In this universe Ursula is a goddess, instead of a witch, and once a year at the highest possible tide, she grants mermaids the ability to transform their fins into legs. It just so happens that the highest tide coincides with Prince Eric’s Enchantment Under the Sea Dance, so Ariel takes this opportunity to go to the dance and meet with Eric.

a screecap of ariel (played by joanna garcia swisher) and prince eric (played by gill mckinney)
Is that Princess Jasmine on the right?

It turns out that Eric is madly in love with Ariel as well. Eric is leaving the next day to explore the world and he invites Ariel to join him, but, OH NO! Ariel’s legs with have reverted to fins by then.

It’s interesting to not that Eric says that one of the places he is going to visit is Agrabah and at that exact moment there is a woman in blue with her midriff showing, just like Princess Jasmine. I also wonder if they are just namedropping Agrabah, or is this is going to connect to Jafar and Once Upon a Time in Wonderland eventually?

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin (played by robert carlyle) talking to an imposter belled (played by emilie de ravin)
Stop talking to your hallucinations!

Back in the present-day Neverland, Rumpelstiltskin is still just kind of hanging around and being a nutbar by himself, that is, until Peter Pan shows up again to try and demoralize him. Peter Pan tells Rumpelstiltskin that he should give up on trying to save Henry, because Rumpelstiltskin will die in the process and that he should go home to Belle and start a new family with her, because she “looks fertile”. Ick. Ick. Ick. No, Lost Boys should never comment on a woman’s fetility. It grosses me out. How does Peter Pan know anything about Belle or Rumpelstiltskin’s life in Storybrooke, anyway?

And then the hallucination Belle shows up and is all like, “Yeah, Rumple, you should listen to Pan. I’m hella fertile. Your current family sucks anyway.”

a screencap of peter pan's shadow (played by CGI)
I hate this thing.

Regina interrupts and reveals that the hallucination Belle was really Peter Pan’s shadow the whole time. That’s a bit gross. Didn’t Rumpelstiltskin and hallucination Belle kiss at some point? This means that Pan’s shadows has probably been relaying everything that Rumpelstilskin has been saying, you know, via charades or something, and that ain’t good.

I also wonder what Rumpelstiltskin’s shadow has been up to. We haven’t seen it since he cut it off. Can Rumpelstiltskin’s shadow shapeshift like Peter Pans? What happened to the shadow that we saw Pan tear out of Greg Mendell?

Anyway, Regina convinces Rumpelstiltskin that they should join forces, because wandering around in circles in the jungle with the Charmings has gotten really, really annoying. They need to rescue Henry and go do something more interesting.

a screencap of regina (played by lana parrilla) transformed into ursula the sea goddess
Girl, you are looking fabulous!

Back to the fishy mermaid story of lovey dovey. Regina has been spying on Snow White and Ariel and she devises yet another plan to kill Snow White that will of course not work. We already know that Snow White survives to the present, so there is never any tension in these stories about her and Regina’s past.

Anyway, Regina disguises herself as Ursula so that she can trick Ariel into joining her in her evil plan, also because it’s just too fun to look that fabulous and ham it up.

a screencap of ariel (played by joanna garcia swisher), regina (played by lana parrilla) and snow white (played by ginnifer goodwin) transformed into a mermaid
A Poor Unfortunate Soul

Regina gives Ariel a magical bracelet to put on Snow White that gives Ariel legs and changes Snow White’s legs into fins, unfortunately, since Snow White has no idea how use fins, this leaves her helpless. Snow White is completely at Regina’s mercy now, but instead of killing Snow White right away, which would be the smart thing to do, Regina drags it out and gives Ariel enough time to grab a fork to stab her with.

Ariel takes the bracelet off Snow White, which means that she loses her legs and won’t be able to go on the journey with Eric. Snow White convinces Ariel to tell Eric about her fishiness, because, who knows? Maybe Eric is into that kind of thing. Regina steals Ariel’s voice at the last second though, so she will never be able to tell Eric the truth.

Fast forward to present day, Regina returns Ariel’s voice to her and says that will give Ariel legs and reunite her with Eric, if she does a favour for her. You see mermaids can travel between realms (the Hell?) and they need a magical doohickey from Mr. Gold’s store in Storybrooke. Yay! We’re going back to Storybrooke!

So, mermaids can just spontaneously open portals between worlds or something? That’s really dang useful. You’d figure that Regina or Rumpelstiltskin would have captured one and be keeping it in a tank in their basement for emergencies.

a screencap of neal (played by  michael raymond-james) hugging emma (played by jennifer morrison)
And then the “Captain Swan” fans grabbed their torches and pitchforks.

So, what have the Charmings and Captain Hook been doing this whole time?

Well, it turns out that Captain Hook really is a good guy and he tells them right away that Neal is alive and in Neverland, even though this means that he’ll have to stop macking on Emma. Emma says that the only reason she kissed Hook was because she was bored or something and she likes messing with people’s emotions.

Neal is in the middle of a magical pit that can only be crossed if everyone reveals a dark secret they’ve been hiding. That evil, evil Peter Pan, making everyone tell the truth. Who does he think he is?

So, everyone’s deep dark secret:

  • Hook kissed Emma and he’s was afraid to admit that this means he’s moved on from his dead love, Milah.
  • Mary Margaret is upset because she isn’t really getting that mother-daughter experience that she wanted with Emma and when they get home to Storybrooke, she want’s to start over again with a new baby.
  • We already know David’s secret. He can’t leave Neverland because he had his dreamshade poisoning cured by the magic spring, so he can’t have a baby with Margaret in Storybrooke.
  • And Emma’s secret is that she was hoping that Neal really was dead, because she was afraid of facing all the hurt that Neal caused her. Emma is just in general really bad at dealing with emotions

So, after Neal and Emma are back together, he tells her that he’ll never stop fighting for her, except he totally did already. Doesn’t he remember how he fell in love with Tamara and got engaged to her?

Hey, we never found out who was in that other cage from last week. Bleh. I hate waiting.

Recap: Once Upon a Time in Wonderland S01E03 “Forget Me Not”

YOU BET YOUR SWEET BIPPY, THIS POST IS FULL OF SPOILERS!

This episode is all about how important it is to let go o the past and move forward, unless, you’re Alice, in which case you never let go of your past love and you talk about how wonderful and perfect it was all the time to make your lovelorn best friend, the Knave of Hearts, feel terrible.

a screencap of robin hood (played by sean maguire) and will scarlet (played by michael socha)
Everybody is connected to everybody!

So, it turns out that the Knave of Hearts was originally Will Scarlet, one of Robin Hood’s Merry Men, because EVERYBODY MUST BE AT LEAST TWO THINGS! Well… He was one of the Merry Men for about two days, just enough time for them to help him break into Maleficent’s castle so that he could steal a magic looking glass. Maleficent’s castle didn’t have any guards and seemed pretty deserted, but he need them anyhow.

I was pretty bummed that it seemed like Kristin Bauer van Straten literally phoned in her performance in this episode, because all we get of her is her voice. If they couldn’t actually get Kristin to show up for this episode, then why did it even have to be Maleficent’s castle at all, they could have used a new witch. Hopefully, they’re just reminding us that Maleficent exist because she has a bigger role in an upcoming episode.

I dislike that the are relying so heavily on characters from their parent show, Once Upon a Time, I would like for Once Upon a Time in Wonderland to stand more on its own.

a screencap of the caterpillar (voiced by iggy pop)
Who are you?

In the present, the Knave of Heart and Alice are still searching for the genies bottle. They need to know who stole it, if they are find it, but there weren’t any clues left behind. If only they could look into the past! Well, they can! Yay! All they need is the Forget-Me-Knot, a magical rope that lets you see the last thing that happened at any spot. So, it should just show them themselves looking into the empty hole and looking disappointed since that is the last thing that happened there, or, you know, a butterfly that flew near the hole or any number of random things that could have happened near the hole subsequently, but, whatever, stop questioning to overly convenient magical dealies, Laurel.

Alice and the Knave travel to Underland, which is like Wonderland, only underground and rife with hashish abuse, to get the Forget-Me-Knot from the evil Caterpillar. Well, it turns out that he doesn’t have it. He wants it, though, and he’s willing to consider the Knave’s debts to him erased, if they let him have the Forget-Me-Knot, after they are done using it.

a creencap of a screaming severed head (played by bob phipps)
Aaaaaaaaah!

If they fail to retrieve the Forget-Me-Knot for the Caterpillar, however, then it’s off with the Knave’s head.

Why is everyone in Wonderland so obsessed with taking other people’s heads? Are they like Princess Langwidere from Ozma of Oz and they put different heads on their shoulders like fashion accessories?

a screencap of grendel (played by steve bacic)
Woof.

The Forget-Me-Knot is at Grendel’s house. Is it the “Grendel” from the Old English poem, Beowulf? Um, I sure hope not? Although, if he is, that means that his brother is a dragon and that might be fun.

Meanwhile, Jafar and the Red Queen take time out of their busy day of looking fabulous and flirting to send a monster after Alice, so that she’ll be forced to use one of her wishes. One of the monsters they consider using is the Sarlacc from Return of the Jedi. They need to stop dropping shout-outs like that and straight up have a Jedi on, otherwise I’m going to explode. Anyhoo, they decide instead on the Frumious Bandersnatch, which is an actual thing from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and not some other unrelated story, so they get extra points from me for doing that.

a screencap of a younger grendel (played by steve bacic) and his wife (played by catherine michaud)
What a cute couple. It would be a shame if something happened to them.

Grendel had been using the Forget-Me-Knot to stare at his lost wife all day, because everybody’s backstory has to have something about true love in it. The Knave of Hearts uses his pain from loosing his love, Anastasia, to empathize with Grendel and get him on their side, so that after they defeat the Bandersnatch he decides to give them the Forget-Me-Knot.

And then Alice and the Knave of Hearts use the Forget-Me-Knot to find out that the White Rabbit is a turncoat for the Red Queen and that it was he that dug up the genie’s bottle. They should have been able to guess that, though. I mean, really, burrowing into the ground is kind of the White Rabbit’s thing.

 screencap of will scarlet (played by micael socha) and his love, anastasia (played by emma rigby)
What a cute couple. It would be a shame if something happened to them.

So, long story short, it turns out that the Red Queen was Anastasia in the past, because EVERYBODY MUST BE AT LEAST TWO THINGS. She and Will Scarlet used the looking glass he stole to get to Wonderland. Sometime between then and now they had a falling out and she took over Wonderland and became the Red Queen. I wonder if they were able to get Barbara Hershey to play the Queen of Hearts in a future episode? I want to see Will Scarlet become the Queen of Heart’s Knave and then see how he reacts when it turns out he choose the wrong side and his old love, Anastasia, defeats the Queen.

One other thing: when are we going to find out who the guy who is sharing the dungeon with Cyrus is? He can’t just be some random prisoner. Everybody on this show has to be some fairy tale character.

Recap: Once Upon a Time in Wonderland S01E02 “Trust Me”

SPOILER ALERT! THIS CONTAINS SPOILER FOR THE SECOND EPISODE OF SEASON 1 OF ONCE UPON A TIME IN WONDERLAND, “TRUST ME”.

In this episode, it’s Jafar and the Red Queen VS Alice and the Knave of Hearts, in an epic race to locate Cyrus’ genie bottle. Well, when I say, “race” what I mean is “leisurely jaunt through the woods of Vancouver”.

Incidentally, putting giant foam mushrooms randomly amongst the trees doesn’t really make it look like a mystical land, but I appreciate that they tried and it is better than bad CGI backgrounds.

a screencap of the red queen (played by emma rigby) flanked by tweedledee and tweedledum (played by matty finochio and ben cotton) the tweedles have ziggy stardust makeup on their faces
Tweedle-Ziggy and Tweedle-Stardust

Why do Tweedledee and Tweedledum have Ziggy Stardust lightning bolts on their faces? I mean, it’s fabulous! But why?

Jafar and the Red Queen want the genie’s bottle because it will allow Jafar to break the laws of magic. The laws of magic are: You can’t kill anyone; You can’t bring anyone by from the dead; You can’t change the past; And, you can’t make anyone fall in love. Except, we’ve seen these laws being broken. In this very episode, Jafar uses his magic to turn a bunch of peasants into dust, killing them. We’ve seen the White Rabbit and Jefferson from Once Upon a Time each open portals through time, so you can change the past. Dr. Frankenstein from Once Upon a Time also used magical hearts to raise the dead. I guess the laws only apply to genie magic? Jafar and the Red Queen must want to use magic to make someone fall in love with them, because I think that’s the only magic law we haven’t seen broken in this universe. They, of course, can’t say why they are doing the evil things they’re doing, almost as though they know they’re on a television show and that they have to pad things out for several episodes by being vague.

a screencap of the red queen (played by emma rigby) and jafar (played by naveen andrews) hanging out with some roses
She’s busy flower arranging! Stop interrupting her, Jafar!

Jafar is keeping Cyrus in a silver cage, because genies are allergic to silver, apparently. I have never heard of genies having any weaknesses before. Hopefully, Cyrus is half vampire and will go on a crazy murderous, bloodsucking rampage soon.

I wish that Cyrus was actually a sinister character, like he was tricking Alice into falling in love with him, so that she’d wish for his freedom, but it’s just doe-eyes and romantic quips with this guy.

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) stabbing the mock turtle
WHAT DID THE MOCK TURTLE EVER DO TO YOU?

Alice wants the genie bottle, because, after she makes her three wishes, Cyrus will be sucked back into his bottle and then they can be all kissy kissy magical in lovey dovey again.

I’m starting to really dislike the Alice and Cyrus romance, mostly because there wasn’t an actual romance. They just fell in love in love at first sight because they are both pretty, and now they’re slavishly devoted to eachother. It reminds me of Anakin and Padme in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones.

When they get Cyrus back, Alice wants the Knave of Hearts to wish for Cyrus’ freedon. Note: Alice wasn’t willing to wish for Cyrus’ freedom, because wishes always have a bad reaction in equal magnitude to the wish and wishing for a genie’s freedom is a big wish. Who cares if something bad happens to the Knave of Hearts after he wishes for Cyrus’ freedom, though? Alice doesn’t seem to care about anything other than her and Cyrus. For example: she was so fixated on getting to the bottle as fast as possible, that she stabs and threatens a poor giant mock turtle to take her to it. The poor turtle was just hanging out in a lake, seemingly asleep, and a crazy girl wakes it up by stabbing it in the neck. USE YOUR WORDS, ALICE!

Poor Knave of Hearts, too. He has to hear constantly about Alice’s epic romance and apparently he lost a love named Anastasia, in the past. I hope that this “Anastasia” is actually Anastasia Romanov, daughter of Tsar Nicolas II of Russia, and we get some sweet Rasputin action. Maybe, Jafar is also Rasputin. Everybody must be at least two things!

Anyway, long story short, the Red Queen ends up with the genie’s bottle, because the White Rabbit was randomly hiding behind a bush when Alice and Cyrus were burying it. Yep.

Oh, and one other thing, Alice says that her mother died in childbirth. I never trust these shows when somebody dies off-screen, hell, not even when they die on-screen. I bet that Alice’s mother isn’t really dead and that her mother’s disappearance has something to do with why Alice was led to Wonderland in the first place.

*UPDATE* I just remembered that one of the evil stepsisters from Cinderella was named “Anastasia”. That’s a possibility for the Knaves of Hearts lost love as well. I hope they wouldn’t be as obvious as that, though.

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