Recap: Once Upon a Time in Wonderland S01E03 “Forget Me Not”

YOU BET YOUR SWEET BIPPY, THIS POST IS FULL OF SPOILERS!

This episode is all about how important it is to let go o the past and move forward, unless, you’re Alice, in which case you never let go of your past love and you talk about how wonderful and perfect it was all the time to make your lovelorn best friend, the Knave of Hearts, feel terrible.

a screencap of robin hood (played by sean maguire) and will scarlet (played by michael socha)
Everybody is connected to everybody!

So, it turns out that the Knave of Hearts was originally Will Scarlet, one of Robin Hood’s Merry Men, because EVERYBODY MUST BE AT LEAST TWO THINGS! Well… He was one of the Merry Men for about two days, just enough time for them to help him break into Maleficent’s castle so that he could steal a magic looking glass. Maleficent’s castle didn’t have any guards and seemed pretty deserted, but he need them anyhow.

I was pretty bummed that it seemed like Kristin Bauer van Straten literally phoned in her performance in this episode, because all we get of her is her voice. If they couldn’t actually get Kristin to show up for this episode, then why did it even have to be Maleficent’s castle at all, they could have used a new witch. Hopefully, they’re just reminding us that Maleficent exist because she has a bigger role in an upcoming episode.

I dislike that the are relying so heavily on characters from their parent show, Once Upon a Time, I would like for Once Upon a Time in Wonderland to stand more on its own.

a screencap of the caterpillar (voiced by iggy pop)
Who are you?

In the present, the Knave of Heart and Alice are still searching for the genies bottle. They need to know who stole it, if they are find it, but there weren’t any clues left behind. If only they could look into the past! Well, they can! Yay! All they need is the Forget-Me-Knot, a magical rope that lets you see the last thing that happened at any spot. So, it should just show them themselves looking into the empty hole and looking disappointed since that is the last thing that happened there, or, you know, a butterfly that flew near the hole or any number of random things that could have happened near the hole subsequently, but, whatever, stop questioning to overly convenient magical dealies, Laurel.

Alice and the Knave travel to Underland, which is like Wonderland, only underground and rife with hashish abuse, to get the Forget-Me-Knot from the evil Caterpillar. Well, it turns out that he doesn’t have it. He wants it, though, and he’s willing to consider the Knave’s debts to him erased, if they let him have the Forget-Me-Knot, after they are done using it.

a creencap of a screaming severed head (played by bob phipps)
Aaaaaaaaah!

If they fail to retrieve the Forget-Me-Knot for the Caterpillar, however, then it’s off with the Knave’s head.

Why is everyone in Wonderland so obsessed with taking other people’s heads? Are they like Princess Langwidere from Ozma of Oz and they put different heads on their shoulders like fashion accessories?

a screencap of grendel (played by steve bacic)
Woof.

The Forget-Me-Knot is at Grendel’s house. Is it the “Grendel” from the Old English poem, Beowulf? Um, I sure hope not? Although, if he is, that means that his brother is a dragon and that might be fun.

Meanwhile, Jafar and the Red Queen take time out of their busy day of looking fabulous and flirting to send a monster after Alice, so that she’ll be forced to use one of her wishes. One of the monsters they consider using is the Sarlacc from Return of the Jedi. They need to stop dropping shout-outs like that and straight up have a Jedi on, otherwise I’m going to explode. Anyhoo, they decide instead on the Frumious Bandersnatch, which is an actual thing from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and not some other unrelated story, so they get extra points from me for doing that.

a screencap of a younger grendel (played by steve bacic) and his wife (played by catherine michaud)
What a cute couple. It would be a shame if something happened to them.

Grendel had been using the Forget-Me-Knot to stare at his lost wife all day, because everybody’s backstory has to have something about true love in it. The Knave of Hearts uses his pain from loosing his love, Anastasia, to empathize with Grendel and get him on their side, so that after they defeat the Bandersnatch he decides to give them the Forget-Me-Knot.

And then Alice and the Knave of Hearts use the Forget-Me-Knot to find out that the White Rabbit is a turncoat for the Red Queen and that it was he that dug up the genie’s bottle. They should have been able to guess that, though. I mean, really, burrowing into the ground is kind of the White Rabbit’s thing.

 screencap of will scarlet (played by micael socha) and his love, anastasia (played by emma rigby)
What a cute couple. It would be a shame if something happened to them.

So, long story short, it turns out that the Red Queen was Anastasia in the past, because EVERYBODY MUST BE AT LEAST TWO THINGS. She and Will Scarlet used the looking glass he stole to get to Wonderland. Sometime between then and now they had a falling out and she took over Wonderland and became the Red Queen. I wonder if they were able to get Barbara Hershey to play the Queen of Hearts in a future episode? I want to see Will Scarlet become the Queen of Heart’s Knave and then see how he reacts when it turns out he choose the wrong side and his old love, Anastasia, defeats the Queen.

One other thing: when are we going to find out who the guy who is sharing the dungeon with Cyrus is? He can’t just be some random prisoner. Everybody on this show has to be some fairy tale character.

Rehash: Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. S01E01 “Pilot”

SPOILER ALERT! IT WAS BEHIND THE COUCH THE WHOLE TIME! SPOILER ALERT!

Hey, did you like that movie, The Avengers? Would you like to see something like that, but with different actors that don’t charge as much? OF COURSE YOU WOULD!

a screencap of a little kid looking at some avengers action figures
Yeah, I wish this show was about those guys instead too, kid.

Remember Agent Coulson from recent movies in the Marvel universe? Well, he’s back from the dead and ready to assemble a new sexy, sexy team of crimefighting sexy people. This time they don’t have super powers, though.

This episode was pretty much just about meeting all the members of the team and learning a bit about them. Not a whole lot else happens. They just go on a little mission and we see a bit of their personality and skillset. I understand why this type of episode is necessary, but I don’t really find them that interesting.

“Here’s so-and-so. This is the job they do. Well, on to the next guy”, over and over again. There will be more in depth character development in future episodes. There always is.

We also meet the team’s vehicles and doohickeys. I bet there’s a toyline that ties into this show.

It is said that this team is “level 7”, which is apparently about The Avenger’s security clearance. It’s a plot device that basically means that this show’s universe won’t necessarily overlap that much with the one from the movies. It’s a bit sad, because I bet that means that the characters from this show won’t even get a cameo in the future movies.

Did I miss it, or does the team not have an official name? Are they just “level 7” or “the agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”?

For some reason it really bugs me that their headquarters is inside a plane.

I hear that there’s a few significant changes between the pilot and subsequent episodes, so let’s see how that goes. Excelsior!

My Thoughts On: Once Upon a Time S03E04 “Nasty Habits”

SPOILER ALERT! THIS POST IS ABOUT THE FOURTH EPISODE OF THE THIRD SEASON OF ONCE UPON A TIME, “NASTY HABITS”.

IN THIS EPISODE: IT’S A DADDY ISSUES FIRE SALE! ALL DADDY ISSUES MUST GO! FREE ANGST WITH EVERY PURCHASE!

a screencap of felix (played by parker croft) and neal (played by michael raymond james) walking through the woods
Felix is the worst!

In the beginning of the episode, Felix is leading Neal through the woods, while being a smarmy weirdo and  I was all like, “Crud, this is going to be a Felix-heavy episode, isn’t it?”

Incidentally, that wooden club that Felix carries looks to be an Irish weapon called a “shillelagh”. I’m now going to assume that Felix is the world’s tallest leprechaun, because EVERYBODY ON THIS SHOW MUST BE AT LEAST TWO THINGS.

a screenacap of neal (played by michael raymond-james) punching felix (played by parker croft)
YAY!

Anyway, then Neal punched Felix in his stupid face and all was well.

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin (played by robert carlyle) applying warpaint
The hunt is on.

Meanwhile, Rumpelstiltskin was tripping balls in the woods and painting his face like he was a war veteran, with post-traumatic stress disorder, having flashbacks.

He’s still having hallucinations of Belle, which is weird. Is there an external cause for his visions, or is he just nuts?

HalluciBelle is the most emotionally-needy, annoying hallucination ever. I hope we get back to Storybrooke soon to hang out with the real Belle and she does something other than talk about Rumpelstiltskin all the time. Belle isn’t a real character anymore. She’s just a prop in Rumpelstiltskin’s story, but, then again, isn’t that everyone on this show now?

As it turns out, even Peter Pan is connected to Rumpelstiltskin’s story. Peter Pan and Rumpelstiltskin were friends as children, but they had a falling-out. Peter betrayed Rumpelstiltskin. Years later, Peter Pan, as the Pied Piper of Hamlin (EVERYBODY ON THIS SHOW MUST BE AT LEAST TWO THINGS!), used a magically flute that can only be heard boys with daddy issues, to draw away Baelfire away from Rumpelstiltskin in an attempt to kidnap him. Baelfire’s daddy issues, of course, centre around the fact that his dad is an evil, murderous and cowardly control freak.

So, Peter Pan is also the Pied Piper of Hamlin? That means that his pan flute also summons rats, right? Is Neverland full of rats, then? Can Peter Pan make the rats do his bidding? Is Peter Pan the cause of the Black Death?

What is the reason that Peter Pan only wants boys, anyway? Is his one weakness cooties?

Anyone want to bet that Peter Pan used to have the Heart of the Truest Believer, but his evil deeds blackened his heart? Pan says that he built Neverland out of his dreams, but he doesn’t seem to have that power anymore and he says that Henry does. Can you use magic to switch hearts between two people?

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin (played by robert carlyle) and baelfire (played by michael raymond-james) fighting a giant squid
Ursula?

Neal and Rumpelstiltskin are reunited once again. Neal blows into the wrong end of a conch shell to summon a giant squid. Squid ink can be used to paralyze magic-users. The use it to freeze Pan and steal back Henry, who thankfully spent most of this episode asleep and not talking.

Neal learns of the prophecy that the a boy will be the undoing of the Dark One. Both Neal and Rumpelstiltskin believe that this “boy” is Henry, so Neal uses the squid ink on Rumpelstiltskin, because he trust him not to hurt Henry, what with Rumpelstiltskin’s evil past an all.

Why is everyone assuming that the “boy” is Henry and that “undoing” means death? There’s a whole island of Lost Boys and any one of them could be the “boy”. And “undoing” could mean anything really. Maybe it just means that the Dark One will be turned back into a regular man.

The Last Alliance of Heroes and Villains did some stuff too. Prince Charming is still very slowly dying of dreamshade poison and they found a star chart that leads back to Earth that Neal built out of a coconut shell, which, unfortunately, is in a code that only Neal can read.

How did Neal make that star chart, anyway? Was he some sort of geometry-wizard-astrophysicist-wunderkind as a child? Wouldn’t the stars on Neverland be completely different from the ones on Earth? Is Neverland  in the same galaxy as Earth? Is Neverland on Earth? Did Neal use a spaceship to escape Neverland? Did Neal use to own the Millennium Falcon and then he sold it to Lando Calrissian to buy an apartment in New York?

Is Rumpelstiltskin a Sith Lord?

Recap: Once Upon a Time in Wonderland S01E02 “Trust Me”

SPOILER ALERT! THIS CONTAINS SPOILER FOR THE SECOND EPISODE OF SEASON 1 OF ONCE UPON A TIME IN WONDERLAND, “TRUST ME”.

In this episode, it’s Jafar and the Red Queen VS Alice and the Knave of Hearts, in an epic race to locate Cyrus’ genie bottle. Well, when I say, “race” what I mean is “leisurely jaunt through the woods of Vancouver”.

Incidentally, putting giant foam mushrooms randomly amongst the trees doesn’t really make it look like a mystical land, but I appreciate that they tried and it is better than bad CGI backgrounds.

a screencap of the red queen (played by emma rigby) flanked by tweedledee and tweedledum (played by matty finochio and ben cotton) the tweedles have ziggy stardust makeup on their faces
Tweedle-Ziggy and Tweedle-Stardust

Why do Tweedledee and Tweedledum have Ziggy Stardust lightning bolts on their faces? I mean, it’s fabulous! But why?

Jafar and the Red Queen want the genie’s bottle because it will allow Jafar to break the laws of magic. The laws of magic are: You can’t kill anyone; You can’t bring anyone by from the dead; You can’t change the past; And, you can’t make anyone fall in love. Except, we’ve seen these laws being broken. In this very episode, Jafar uses his magic to turn a bunch of peasants into dust, killing them. We’ve seen the White Rabbit and Jefferson from Once Upon a Time each open portals through time, so you can change the past. Dr. Frankenstein from Once Upon a Time also used magical hearts to raise the dead. I guess the laws only apply to genie magic? Jafar and the Red Queen must want to use magic to make someone fall in love with them, because I think that’s the only magic law we haven’t seen broken in this universe. They, of course, can’t say why they are doing the evil things they’re doing, almost as though they know they’re on a television show and that they have to pad things out for several episodes by being vague.

a screencap of the red queen (played by emma rigby) and jafar (played by naveen andrews) hanging out with some roses
She’s busy flower arranging! Stop interrupting her, Jafar!

Jafar is keeping Cyrus in a silver cage, because genies are allergic to silver, apparently. I have never heard of genies having any weaknesses before. Hopefully, Cyrus is half vampire and will go on a crazy murderous, bloodsucking rampage soon.

I wish that Cyrus was actually a sinister character, like he was tricking Alice into falling in love with him, so that she’d wish for his freedom, but it’s just doe-eyes and romantic quips with this guy.

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) stabbing the mock turtle
WHAT DID THE MOCK TURTLE EVER DO TO YOU?

Alice wants the genie bottle, because, after she makes her three wishes, Cyrus will be sucked back into his bottle and then they can be all kissy kissy magical in lovey dovey again.

I’m starting to really dislike the Alice and Cyrus romance, mostly because there wasn’t an actual romance. They just fell in love in love at first sight because they are both pretty, and now they’re slavishly devoted to eachother. It reminds me of Anakin and Padme in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones.

When they get Cyrus back, Alice wants the Knave of Hearts to wish for Cyrus’ freedon. Note: Alice wasn’t willing to wish for Cyrus’ freedom, because wishes always have a bad reaction in equal magnitude to the wish and wishing for a genie’s freedom is a big wish. Who cares if something bad happens to the Knave of Hearts after he wishes for Cyrus’ freedom, though? Alice doesn’t seem to care about anything other than her and Cyrus. For example: she was so fixated on getting to the bottle as fast as possible, that she stabs and threatens a poor giant mock turtle to take her to it. The poor turtle was just hanging out in a lake, seemingly asleep, and a crazy girl wakes it up by stabbing it in the neck. USE YOUR WORDS, ALICE!

Poor Knave of Hearts, too. He has to hear constantly about Alice’s epic romance and apparently he lost a love named Anastasia, in the past. I hope that this “Anastasia” is actually Anastasia Romanov, daughter of Tsar Nicolas II of Russia, and we get some sweet Rasputin action. Maybe, Jafar is also Rasputin. Everybody must be at least two things!

Anyway, long story short, the Red Queen ends up with the genie’s bottle, because the White Rabbit was randomly hiding behind a bush when Alice and Cyrus were burying it. Yep.

Oh, and one other thing, Alice says that her mother died in childbirth. I never trust these shows when somebody dies off-screen, hell, not even when they die on-screen. I bet that Alice’s mother isn’t really dead and that her mother’s disappearance has something to do with why Alice was led to Wonderland in the first place.

*UPDATE* I just remembered that one of the evil stepsisters from Cinderella was named “Anastasia”. That’s a possibility for the Knaves of Hearts lost love as well. I hope they wouldn’t be as obvious as that, though.

TV Show Rambling: Sleepy Hollow S01E02 “Blood Moon”

SPOILER ALERT! TRAB PU KCIP! TRAB PU KCIP! SPOILER ALERT!

In this episode Ichabod and Abbie try to prevent an evil witch from attaining corporeal form.

a screencap of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, conquest, war, famine and death
Dunna Dunna Dunna Dunna BONANZA!

I’m still catching-up on this show, so this is just going to be a few points.

  • It’s interesting that they decided to use Conquest instead of  Pestilence as one of the Four Horsemen. Although, it is one interpretation of the bible, Conquest seems like it would be more difficult to represent on screen.
  • Ichabod is still wearing his old-timey clothing. How many days in a row can he wear the same pants?
  • August Corbin is back in flashback form and maybe ghost form? I wonder how many ways they can finagle it so that Clancy Brown can keep starring on the show when his character isn’t alive?
  • Abbi was on her way to becoming an FBI profiler, but now it seems like she’s going to become a monster profiler.
  • Gee, General George Washington sure seemed to know a lot about demons and witches and the like.
  • Really? No one is going to notice that giant hole in the police station’s wall?
  • The power of witches is tied into the cycle of the moon. What happens during an eclipse?
  • Ugh. Ichabod claims to have an eidetic memory. This is always such an annoying trait in a character, because most television writers don’t have an eidetic memory and you always end up with a situation where the character doesn’t remember something from a past episode, but the audience does.
  • Of course the grotesque witch ends up turning sexy before the episode ends. You can’t have ugly, scary women on TV!

TV Show Rambling: Sleepy Hollow S01E01 “Pilot”

SPOILER ALERT! IN TONIGHT’S EPISODE OF “THE INTERNET” LAUREL HATES YOU! SPOILER ALERT!

So there’s this show, Sleepy Hollow, and people are all like, “Laurel, you’ve got to watch this show! It’s crazy!” and I’m all like, “No.” and they’re all like, “Come on.” and I’m all like, “Meh.” and they’re all like, “PLEASE?”, and I’m all like, “FINE.”

So, anyway, Sleepy Hollow, a fairy tale character, Ichabod Crane, who helps a modern-day police force solve crimes of a supernatural nature. You may ask, “Hey, isn’t that a bit like that show, Grimm?” NO! IT’S ENTIRELY DIFFERENT! SHUT UP!

a screencap of the sleepy hollow village sign
Spooky!

Ichabod Crane is a history professor that has been buried for 250 years. He was charged with dispatching the Headless Horseman or Death the first rider of the Apocalypse, by President George Washington himself.

Ichabod has the “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer” syndrome really bad. All of our new-fangled devices and cultural differences fright and confuse him.

Lt. Abbie Mills is the only detective on the force that believes Ichabod’s crazy tale, mostly because she saw her partner, Sheriff August Corbin, get his head cut off by the Headless Horseman with her own eyes.

Ichabod and Lt. Mills join together to find the Horseman’s head, before he can be reunited with it and usher in the Apocalypse. They find the head, but they are unable to destroy the Horseman, even though it’s just simple sunlight that kills him.

One of Abbie’s colleagues, Officer Andy Brooks is working for the dark forces behind the Headless Horseman and the doomsday prophecy.

a screencap of Lt. Abbie Mills (played by nicole beharie) and ichabod crane (played by tom mison)
Unlikely partners!

I don’t believe that this is the last we’ll see of Clancy Brown’s character, Sheriff August Corbin. For one thing he was given an “and” credit not a “guest-starring”. I just hope it isn’t his voice on a new tape every single episode, because, really, who needs hundreds of recordings of their own voice? Also, who uses tapes anymore? Seriously, Sheriff August Corbin just happening to have a recording that pertains the every weeks episode could get annoying fast.

Ichabod says something about the prophecy saying that he and Abbie will have to work for seven years together to keep the evil at bay. Hey, the starship Enterprise only had a five yar mission and its television series couldn’t even last that long. Aiming for a 7 year series? Wishful thinking much?

I bet there’s a whole todo in the next episode about getting Ichabod to dress up in modern-day clothing.

Isn’t it funny that none of the characters on this show are aware of the story, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, by Washington Irving?

Overall, it looks like I’m going to enjoy Sleepy Hollow much more than Grimm. I really like that normal people can actually see the supernatural beings on this show.

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