My Thoughts On: Once Upon a Time S02E22 “And Straight On ‘Til Morning”

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SPOILER ALERT! TODAY’S RECAP WILL BE PRESENTED IN ALL CAPS, BECAUSE SHUT UP, THAT’S WHY! SPOILER ALERT!

THIS WEEK’S EPISODE WAS THE SEASON FINALE AND I’M GLAD, BECAUSE I’M NOT SURE HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS I WOULD BE ABLE TO TAKE.

AND, NOW, HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT I YELLED AT THE TV WHILE THE EPISODE WAS AIRING:

A SCREENCAP OF GRUMPY (PLAYED BY LEE ARENBERG) HOLDING A MAGIC MEMORY-RETURNING POTION
IT’S BLUE LIKE ROMULAN ALE

THE BLUE FAIRY MADE A LAST-MINUTE POTION THAT CAN RETURN PEOPLE’S MEMORIES TO THEM? THAT’S GODDAMN CONVENIENT.

GRUMPY IS GOING TO RETURN SLEEPY’S MEMORIES TO HIM AGAINST HIS WILL? MAGIC ASSAULT!

WELL, I WAS WRONG. THE WRITERS DID FIND A WAY TO RETURN SLEEPY’S MEMORY TO HIM BY THE LAST EPISODE. THEY FOUND A VERY HALF-ASSED, HAND-WAVEY WAY TO RETURN SLEEPY’S MEMORY TO HIM. GOOD FOR THEM.

A SCREENCAP OF CAPTAIN HOOK (PLAYED BY COLIN O'DONOGHUE) TEACHING YOUNG BAELFIRE (PLAYED BY DYLAN SCHMID) HOW TO STEER A SHIP
STEER THE BOOT THROUGH CGI INFESTED WATERS

BAELFIRE HAS THREE DADS NOW! RUMPELSTILTSKIN, MR. DARLING AND CAPTAIN HOOK! WHAT A LUCKY BOY!

HOW IS CAPTAIN HOOK EVEN A PIRATE? WE NEVER SEE HIM PILLAGING EVER. DOES THE EYELINER MAKE HIM A PIRATE?

THEY MENTION CURSED MERMAIDS A WHOLE BUNCH AND WE NEVER SEE THEM. I FEEL CHEATED.

A SCREENCAP OF EMMA SWAN (PLAYED BY JENNIFER MORRISON) AND REGINA MILLS (PLAYED BY LANA PARRILLA) COMBING THEIR MAGIC TO STOP THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE
MORTAL ENEMIES WORKING TOGETHER FOR THE COMMON GOOD!

THE SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON FOR STORYBROOKE IS UNSTOPPABLE… NOT! IT ONLY NEEDS TWO MAGIC USERS TO STOP IT. EMMA HAS BARELY HAD ANY PRACTICE AT USING MAGIC AND THEY STILL STOPPED IT. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE DIED AND THE DESTRUCTION WAS MINIMAL. WEREN’T THEY ADVERTISING THAT THE SEASON FINALE WAS GOING TO BE DEVASTATING?

A SCREENCAP OF GREG MENDELL (PLAYED BY ETHAN EMBRY) AND TAMARA (PLAYED BY SONEQUA MARTIN-GREEN) KIDNAPPING HENRY MILLS (PLAYED BY JARED S. GILMORE)
DON’T WORRY, HE’LL ANNOY THEM SO MUCH THEY’LL PAY TO GET RID OF HIM

SOMEHOW GREG AND TAMARA MANAGE TO BE COMPLETELY SILENT AND INVISIBLE TO KIDNAP HENRY WHEN HE WAS RIGHT BESIDE HIS MOMS AND HIS GRANDPARENTS. THEY ALSO GAIN A LARGE LEAD ON THEM DESPITE ONLY JOG-WALKING AWAY.

GREG AND TAMARA ARE, YET AGAIN, EXTREMELY VAGUE ABOUT WHO THEY ARE WORKING FOR AND WHAT EXACTLY THEIR CAUSE IS. I SERIOUSLY BELIEVE THAT THE WRITERS THEMSELVES DON’T KNOW AND THEY’RE USING VAGUENESS TO BUY THEMSELVES SOME TIME. THEY KEEP USING WORDS LIKE “HOLY” AND “SACRED”, SO I’M JUST GOING TO PRETEND THAT THEY’RE WORKING FOR THE POPE, UNTIL I’M TOLD OTHERWISE.

A SCREENCAP OF EMMA SWAN (PLAYED BY JENNIFER MORRISON), REGINA MILLS (PLAYED BY LANA PARRILLA), MR. GOLD (PLAYED BY REOBERT CARLYLE), CAPTAIN HOOK (PLAYED BY COLIN O'DONOGHUE), MARY MARGARET (PLAYED BY GINNIFER GOODWIN) AND DAVID NOLAN (PLAYED BY JOSH DALLAS) BRACING THEMSELVES ON A BOAT
THEY’RE ON A BOAT!

EVERYBODY IS FRIENDS NOW! EMMA, REGINA, CAPTAIN HOOK, MARY MARGARET AND DAVID PUT ASIDE THEIR DIFFERENCES IN ORDER TO FORM AN ELITE TEAM AND GET HENRY BACK. THEY HATED EACHOTHER JUST FIVE MINUTES AGO, BUT WHO CARES? SHUT YOUR BUTT!

AAAAAANNNNDDDDDDD…IT LOOKS LIKE THE BIG BAD FOR NEXT SEASON IS GOING TO BE PETER PAN. THEY BETTER GET A MICHAEL JACKSON LOOKALIKE TO PLAY PETER PAN.

GRAGH! *SMASH* *STOMP* NARG! *SMASH* SNARGH! *STOMP*

5 Days ‘Til “Once Upon a Time”

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Here a some little things, you may or may not have noticed, that I hope they flesh-out in season two of Once Upon a Time.

Gay Dwarfs?

In episode 14, Dreamy, Sneezy’s counterpart, Mr. Clark, and Sleepy’s counterpart, Walter, really want to sit together at the diner. Grumpy’s counterpart, Leroy, tells them they should have dragged their sorry asses out of bed a little earlier, implying that they both get up at the same time and, possibly, that they sleep in the same bed.

There wasn’t any implication that Sneezy and Sleepy had a romantic relationship in the fairy tale world, so how will the react in season two? How would a person feel if in one life they wear gay and in the other one straight, and then, they had those lives slammed together?

Then again, all dwarfs are male, so, maybe, it’s weird for them not to be gay.

walter mr. clark and leroy
They love eachother. You can’t tell me differently.

What’s in Storybrooke’s Library?

storybrooke's library
The Library and Emma’s Butt

In the the season finale of season one, A Land Without Magic, we see that Storybrooke has a closed-up library.

A library in a town full of storybook characters seems like a very dangerous thing. We don’t know how far all of the characters have reached in their own stories. What if some of them haven’t reached the ends of their stories yet? What happens if they go to the library and read their own story and they don’t like the ending?

Is That Dude in the Basement of the Hospital Pocahontas’ Dad?

a native american and regina mills
SWEEP THE LEG!

In episode 12, Skin Deep, Regina Mills, on her way to visit Belle in the basement psyche ward, passes a native american man sweeping in the hallway. This is an obvious play on Chief from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. But, maybe, it’s more than that. Pocahontas’ dad is a chief. Maybe Pocahontas’ tribe are enemies of Regina, so she locked their chief up, like she did Belle.

Of course, Pocahontas wasn’t actually a fairy tale character. She was a real person that we actually know a lot about. Disney continuing to treat her life like it was a fairy tale is, perhaps, unwise.

Anyway, until we meet again (tomorrow).