SPOILER ALERT! IT WAS BEHIND THE COUCH THE WHOLE TIME! SPOILER ALERT!
Hey, did you like that movie, The Avengers? Would you like to see something like that, but with different actors that don’t charge as much? OF COURSE YOU WOULD!
Remember Agent Coulson from recent movies in the Marvel universe? Well, he’s back from the dead and ready to assemble a new sexy, sexy team of crimefighting sexy people. This time they don’t have super powers, though.
This episode was pretty much just about meeting all the members of the team and learning a bit about them. Not a whole lot else happens. They just go on a little mission and we see a bit of their personality and skillset. I understand why this type of episode is necessary, but I don’t really find them that interesting.
“Here’s so-and-so. This is the job they do. Well, on to the next guy”, over and over again. There will be more in depth character development in future episodes. There always is.
We also meet the team’s vehicles and doohickeys. I bet there’s a toyline that ties into this show.
It is said that this team is “level 7”, which is apparently about The Avenger’s security clearance. It’s a plot device that basically means that this show’s universe won’t necessarily overlap that much with the one from the movies. It’s a bit sad, because I bet that means that the characters from this show won’t even get a cameo in the future movies.
Did I miss it, or does the team not have an official name? Are they just “level 7” or “the agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”?
For some reason it really bugs me that their headquarters is inside a plane.
I hear that there’s a few significant changes between the pilot and subsequent episodes, so let’s see how that goes. Excelsior!
SPOILER ALERT! THIS POST IS ABOUT THE FOURTH EPISODE OF THE THIRD SEASON OF ONCE UPON A TIME, “NASTY HABITS”.
IN THIS EPISODE: IT’S A DADDY ISSUES FIRE SALE! ALL DADDY ISSUES MUST GO! FREE ANGST WITH EVERY PURCHASE!
In the beginning of the episode, Felix is leading Neal through the woods, while being a smarmy weirdo and I was all like, “Crud, this is going to be a Felix-heavy episode, isn’t it?”
Incidentally, that wooden club that Felix carries looks to be an Irish weapon called a “shillelagh”. I’m now going to assume that Felix is the world’s tallest leprechaun, because EVERYBODY ON THIS SHOW MUST BE AT LEAST TWO THINGS.
Anyway, then Neal punched Felix in his stupid face and all was well.
Meanwhile, Rumpelstiltskin was tripping balls in the woods and painting his face like he was a war veteran, with post-traumatic stress disorder, having flashbacks.
He’s still having hallucinations of Belle, which is weird. Is there an external cause for his visions, or is he just nuts?
HalluciBelle is the most emotionally-needy, annoying hallucination ever. I hope we get back to Storybrooke soon to hang out with the real Belle and she does something other than talk about Rumpelstiltskin all the time. Belle isn’t a real character anymore. She’s just a prop in Rumpelstiltskin’s story, but, then again, isn’t that everyone on this show now?
As it turns out, even Peter Pan is connected to Rumpelstiltskin’s story. Peter Pan and Rumpelstiltskin were friends as children, but they had a falling-out. Peter betrayed Rumpelstiltskin. Years later, Peter Pan, as the Pied Piper of Hamlin (EVERYBODY ON THIS SHOW MUST BE AT LEAST TWO THINGS!), used a magically flute that can only be heard boys with daddy issues, to draw away Baelfire away from Rumpelstiltskin in an attempt to kidnap him. Baelfire’s daddy issues, of course, centre around the fact that his dad is an evil, murderous and cowardly control freak.
So, Peter Pan is also the Pied Piper of Hamlin? That means that his pan flute also summons rats, right? Is Neverland full of rats, then? Can Peter Pan make the rats do his bidding? Is Peter Pan the cause of the Black Death?
What is the reason that Peter Pan only wants boys, anyway? Is his one weakness cooties?
Anyone want to bet that Peter Pan used to have the Heart of the Truest Believer, but his evil deeds blackened his heart? Pan says that he built Neverland out of his dreams, but he doesn’t seem to have that power anymore and he says that Henry does. Can you use magic to switch hearts between two people?
Neal and Rumpelstiltskin are reunited once again. Neal blows into the wrong end of a conch shell to summon a giant squid. Squid ink can be used to paralyze magic-users. The use it to freeze Pan and steal back Henry, who thankfully spent most of this episode asleep and not talking.
Neal learns of the prophecy that the a boy will be the undoing of the Dark One. Both Neal and Rumpelstiltskin believe that this “boy” is Henry, so Neal uses the squid ink on Rumpelstiltskin, because he trust him not to hurt Henry, what with Rumpelstiltskin’s evil past an all.
Why is everyone assuming that the “boy” is Henry and that “undoing” means death? There’s a whole island of Lost Boys and any one of them could be the “boy”. And “undoing” could mean anything really. Maybe it just means that the Dark One will be turned back into a regular man.
The Last Alliance of Heroes and Villains did some stuff too. Prince Charming is still very slowly dying of dreamshade poison and they found a star chart that leads back to Earth that Neal built out of a coconut shell, which, unfortunately, is in a code that only Neal can read.
How did Neal make that star chart, anyway? Was he some sort of geometry-wizard-astrophysicist-wunderkind as a child? Wouldn’t the stars on Neverland be completely different from the ones on Earth? Is Neverland in the same galaxy as Earth? Is Neverland on Earth? Did Neal use a spaceship to escape Neverland? Did Neal use to own the Millennium Falcon and then he sold it to Lando Calrissian to buy an apartment in New York?
SPOILER ALERT! THIS CONTAINS SPOILER FOR THE SECOND EPISODE OF SEASON 1 OF ONCE UPON A TIME IN WONDERLAND, “TRUST ME”.
In this episode, it’s Jafar and the Red Queen VS Alice and the Knave of Hearts, in an epic race to locate Cyrus’ genie bottle. Well, when I say, “race” what I mean is “leisurely jaunt through the woods of Vancouver”.
Incidentally, putting giant foam mushrooms randomly amongst the trees doesn’t really make it look like a mystical land, but I appreciate that they tried and it is better than bad CGI backgrounds.
Why do Tweedledee and Tweedledum have Ziggy Stardust lightning bolts on their faces? I mean, it’s fabulous! But why?
Jafar and the Red Queen want the genie’s bottle because it will allow Jafar to break the laws of magic. The laws of magic are: You can’t kill anyone; You can’t bring anyone by from the dead; You can’t change the past; And, you can’t make anyone fall in love. Except, we’ve seen these laws being broken. In this very episode, Jafar uses his magic to turn a bunch of peasants into dust, killing them. We’ve seen the White Rabbit and Jefferson from Once Upon a Time each open portals through time, so you can change the past. Dr. Frankenstein from Once Upon a Time also used magical hearts to raise the dead. I guess the laws only apply to genie magic? Jafar and the Red Queen must want to use magic to make someone fall in love with them, because I think that’s the only magic law we haven’t seen broken in this universe. They, of course, can’t say why they are doing the evil things they’re doing, almost as though they know they’re on a television show and that they have to pad things out for several episodes by being vague.
Jafar is keeping Cyrus in a silver cage, because genies are allergic to silver, apparently. I have never heard of genies having any weaknesses before. Hopefully, Cyrus is half vampire and will go on a crazy murderous, bloodsucking rampage soon.
I wish that Cyrus was actually a sinister character, like he was tricking Alice into falling in love with him, so that she’d wish for his freedom, but it’s just doe-eyes and romantic quips with this guy.
Alice wants the genie bottle, because, after she makes her three wishes, Cyrus will be sucked back into his bottle and then they can be all kissy kissy magical in lovey dovey again.
I’m starting to really dislike the Alice and Cyrus romance, mostly because there wasn’t an actual romance. They just fell in love in love at first sight because they are both pretty, and now they’re slavishly devoted to eachother. It reminds me of Anakin and Padme in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones.
When they get Cyrus back, Alice wants the Knave of Hearts to wish for Cyrus’ freedon. Note: Alice wasn’t willing to wish for Cyrus’ freedom, because wishes always have a bad reaction in equal magnitude to the wish and wishing for a genie’s freedom is a big wish. Who cares if something bad happens to the Knave of Hearts after he wishes for Cyrus’ freedom, though? Alice doesn’t seem to care about anything other than her and Cyrus. For example: she was so fixated on getting to the bottle as fast as possible, that she stabs and threatens a poor giant mock turtle to take her to it. The poor turtle was just hanging out in a lake, seemingly asleep, and a crazy girl wakes it up by stabbing it in the neck. USE YOUR WORDS, ALICE!
Poor Knave of Hearts, too. He has to hear constantly about Alice’s epic romance and apparently he lost a love named Anastasia, in the past. I hope that this “Anastasia” is actually Anastasia Romanov, daughter of Tsar Nicolas II of Russia, and we get some sweet Rasputin action. Maybe, Jafar is also Rasputin. Everybody must be at least two things!
Anyway, long story short, the Red Queen ends up with the genie’s bottle, because the White Rabbit was randomly hiding behind a bush when Alice and Cyrus were burying it. Yep.
Oh, and one other thing, Alice says that her mother died in childbirth. I never trust these shows when somebody dies off-screen, hell, not even when they die on-screen. I bet that Alice’s mother isn’t really dead and that her mother’s disappearance has something to do with why Alice was led to Wonderland in the first place.
*UPDATE* I just remembered that one of the evil stepsisters from Cinderella was named “Anastasia”. That’s a possibility for the Knaves of Hearts lost love as well. I hope they wouldn’t be as obvious as that, though.
SPOILER ALERT! TRAB PU KCIP! TRAB PU KCIP! SPOILER ALERT!
In this episode Ichabod and Abbie try to prevent an evil witch from attaining corporeal form.
I’m still catching-up on this show, so this is just going to be a few points.
It’s interesting that they decided to use Conquest instead of Pestilence as one of the Four Horsemen. Although, it is one interpretation of the bible, Conquest seems like it would be more difficult to represent on screen.
Ichabod is still wearing his old-timey clothing. How many days in a row can he wear the same pants?
August Corbin is back in flashback form and maybe ghost form? I wonder how many ways they can finagle it so that Clancy Brown can keep starring on the show when his character isn’t alive?
Abbi was on her way to becoming an FBI profiler, but now it seems like she’s going to become a monster profiler.
Gee, General George Washington sure seemed to know a lot about demons and witches and the like.
Really? No one is going to notice that giant hole in the police station’s wall?
The power of witches is tied into the cycle of the moon. What happens during an eclipse?
Ugh. Ichabod claims to have an eidetic memory. This is always such an annoying trait in a character, because most television writers don’t have an eidetic memory and you always end up with a situation where the character doesn’t remember something from a past episode, but the audience does.
Of course the grotesque witch ends up turning sexy before the episode ends. You can’t have ugly, scary women on TV!
SPOILER ALERT! IN TONIGHT’S EPISODE OF “THE INTERNET” LAUREL HATES YOU! SPOILER ALERT!
So there’s this show, Sleepy Hollow, and people are all like, “Laurel, you’ve got to watch this show! It’s crazy!” and I’m all like, “No.” and they’re all like, “Come on.” and I’m all like, “Meh.” and they’re all like, “PLEASE?”, and I’m all like, “FINE.”
So, anyway, Sleepy Hollow, a fairy tale character, Ichabod Crane, who helps a modern-day police force solve crimes of a supernatural nature. You may ask, “Hey, isn’t that a bit like that show, Grimm?” NO! IT’S ENTIRELY DIFFERENT! SHUT UP!
Ichabod Crane is a history professor that has been buried for 250 years. He was charged with dispatching the Headless Horseman or Death the first rider of the Apocalypse, by President George Washington himself.
Ichabod has the “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer” syndrome really bad. All of our new-fangled devices and cultural differences fright and confuse him.
Lt. Abbie Mills is the only detective on the force that believes Ichabod’s crazy tale, mostly because she saw her partner, Sheriff August Corbin, get his head cut off by the Headless Horseman with her own eyes.
Ichabod and Lt. Mills join together to find the Horseman’s head, before he can be reunited with it and usher in the Apocalypse. They find the head, but they are unable to destroy the Horseman, even though it’s just simple sunlight that kills him.
One of Abbie’s colleagues, Officer Andy Brooks is working for the dark forces behind the Headless Horseman and the doomsday prophecy.
I don’t believe that this is the last we’ll see of Clancy Brown’s character, Sheriff August Corbin. For one thing he was given an “and” credit not a “guest-starring”. I just hope it isn’t his voice on a new tape every single episode, because, really, who needs hundreds of recordings of their own voice? Also, who uses tapes anymore? Seriously, Sheriff August Corbin just happening to have a recording that pertains the every weeks episode could get annoying fast.
Ichabod says something about the prophecy saying that he and Abbie will have to work for seven years together to keep the evil at bay. Hey, the starship Enterprise only had a five yar mission and its television series couldn’t even last that long. Aiming for a 7 year series? Wishful thinking much?
I bet there’s a whole todo in the next episode about getting Ichabod to dress up in modern-day clothing.
Isn’t it funny that none of the characters on this show are aware of the story, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, by Washington Irving?
Overall, it looks like I’m going to enjoy Sleepy Hollow much more than Grimm. I really like that normal people can actually see the supernatural beings on this show.
SPOILER ALERT! I’M HIGH ON ENERGY DRINKS! SPOILER ALERT!
In this episode, we learn the power of using toddlers as bait.
In the enchanted forest, Neal meets Robin Hood’s little son, Roland and hatches a plan to get to Neverland. It turns out that all you have to do is have a child say, “I believe” by a window and Peter Pan’s Shadow will come to take them away. Neal grabs the Shadow’s foot and away he goes to Neverland.
Incidentally, when discussing options to open portals to Neverland, Neal mentions ruby slippers, like the kind Dorothy had in MGM‘s version of The Wizard of Oz. It’s important to not tha tin the original L. Frank Baum story, that the shoes were actually silver, and that’s what they’d probably have to go with is they told any of The Wizard of Oz story because of rights issues.
In the camp of the Lost Boys, Peter Pan crows like a rooster to wake Henry up. Well, he tried to crow like a rooster. I don’t think that it sounded anything like a rooster. It was more like some sort of weird cough.
Anyway, Peter Pan wants to turn our little Henry into a little bastard, so he orders Henry to try and shoot an apple off of Felix’s head with a poison arrow. You know, because just accidentally shooting Felix in the face wouldn’t enough. He’d have to accidentally poison Felix in the face as well. Well, Henry just turned right around and shot the arrow at Peter Pan, who used his mad ninja skills to catch it in midair.
Henry, a young child, tried to murder another child in cold blood. Looks like Henry is taking after Regina.
Meanwhile, the bickering alliance of Heroes and Villains is having trouble finding Peter Pan’s camp, so they decide try and find Tinker Bell, because she might have magic pixie dust, which is, like, way better than fairy dust.
Yes, in this universe, pixie dust and fairy dust are two different things, but they’re both made by the fairies. That’s not confusing at all.
Regina doesn’t like the idea of finding Tinker Bell, though. She and Tinker Bell have a past.
It turns out that in the past, Tinker Bell put her ass on the line to steal some pixie dust from the Blue Fairy that could be used to find Regina a new soul mate. Unfortunately, after the pixie dust was used, Regina was too afraid to go after her new true love, a man with a lion tattoo, and the Blue Fairy stripped Tinker Bell of her wings for stealing the dust. Tinker Bell is quite rightly miffed that her sacrifice was for nothing.
I really don’t like the way that the Blue Fairy behaves in this episode. These events take place before Regina becomes the Evil Queen and yet the Blue Fairy refuses to give the pixie dust to her because her mother, Cora, was evil. How good is a fairy, if her heart is full of prejudice?
I hope there’s an upcoming episode where everyone claps and Tinker Bell regains her wings. Also, since Tinker Bell doesn’t have magic anymore, it couldn’t have been her that was messing with Rumpelstiltskin with his old doll, so who was it? Curious.
In this episode, we almost find out f it’s Aurora or Philip that Mulan is in love with. Presumably, it’s Aurora, because that was who she was about to confess too, but, unfortunately, before Mulan can say anything, Aurora tells her that she’s pregnant with Philip’s baby. Mulan decides to do the honourable thing and keep her mouth shut and also run away with Robin Hood’s band of Merry Men, as one does when their heart is broken.
Anyway, big surprise! It’s Robin Hood that has the lion tattoo and is, therefore, Regina’s soulmate. I find it interesting that it’s a lion. Does this mean that Robin Hood is secretly King Richard the Lionheart?
All that Regina knows about her soulmate is that he has a lion tattoo. Want to bet that some evildoer gets a lion tattoo to trick her?
Well, that’s all for this week. Here, have a picture of Tinker Bell’s underpants.