SPOILER ALERT! I KNOW ALL YOUR SECRETS!
In this episode, we throw our whole lives away for a guy we just met.
Anastasia and Will Scarlet are all happy and about to head off to Wonderland when…
Anastasia’s mom shows up to ruin their good time.
It turns out that Anastasia is quite the disappointment to her mother, because she’s not a queen or even a noblewoman and she can’t stand the fact that her daughter has fallen in love with the commoner, Will Scarlet. This is basically rehash of the relationship that Regina had with her mother, Cora, on Once Upon a Time.
Anastasia’s mother mentions that Anastasia has sister’s. If this is the Anastasia from the Cinderella story, then her sisters will be Cinderella and Drizella. Cinderella, as you may remember, is also Ashley Boyd in Storybrooke. We haven’t seen Ashley for a long time. She had just given birth, if I recall correctly. I wonder if they’d actually consider bringing Cinderella back for Once Upon a Time in Wonderland? I hope that mentioning the sisters isn’t just another allusion that doesn’t pay off.
Alice feels really bad about the Knave getting turned to stone.
What happened Elizabeth the Lizard? She was right there with them wasn’t she? Lizard seemed really interested in helping the Knave, but she’s just up and disappeared.
So, Cyrus escapes, but the old prisoner decides not to go with him.
I actually have a new theory as to just who the old prisoner is. I think it may actually be an older Jafar from another universe or timeline. Young Jafar wants Old Jafar to tell him about his future, but Old Jafar knows exactly what a horrible person he was when he was younger, so he’s keeping his mouth shut. He doesn’t want Young Jafar to have any more power.
Back in the past, Will Scarlet and Anastasia sneak into a royal ball to steal bread, because breaking into a bakery would be riskier, duh.
While Will is off doing the dirty work stealing roll, Anastasia flirts with the king. It all goes so well until one of the ladies notices that Anastasia is wearing a dress stolen from her carriage and they get kicked out. Who steals a dress from a carriage right outside the place they are sneaking into? And who keeps extra clothing just lying around in their carriage?
Hey remember that time that Cinderella snuck into a ball, and that time that Cora snuck into a ball, and that that time Ariel and Snow White into a ball, like, only two weeks ago? They need to find another activity for the upper class of the fairy tale world to engage in.
Remember that scene from Indian Jones and the Last Crusade, where Indy has to take a leap of faith? This episode totally rips that scene off, but they take twenty minutes doing it.
So, yeah, this week’s magical macguffin is magical dust that can only be found by taking a leap of faith into the Great Divide. The Red Queen needs the dust to protect herself fro Jafar, but the catch is that one needs a pure heart to take the leap and the Red Queen’s heart has been tainted by her evil deeds. Apparently, Alice has a pure heart, which I don’t really buy. Remember how Alice just stabbed the Mock Turtle for no reason? In fact, Alice is always threatening people with her sword. That’s not the type of thing someone with a pure heart would do, I shouldn’t think. Alice falls into the chasm anyway, maybe because her heart isn’t entirely pure?
Meanwhile, Jafar has his turncoat Tweedle bring him the White Rabbit. Jafar wants the White Rabbit to tell him who Alice’s loved ones are, so that he can hold them hostage and force Alice to use her remaining wishes to save them. The White Rabbit Refuses to, that is, until Jafar chops off one of his feet in a scene that’s sure to he traumatized many of the younger viewer.
The White Rabbit tells Jafar who the loved on is off-screen. I find that type of thing annoying. They interrupt the narrative flow just so they can stretch a reveal out over several episodes and usually the payoff is a letdown.
They want us to think that this loved one is really Alice’s father, but I bet that it’s her mother. Or her kitten. Didn’t Alice have a kitten in the story?
In the chasm of dust or whatever, Alice is confronted with a creepy doppelganger moppet of her younger self. The doppelganger tries to goad Alice into killing the Red Queen, but Alice has too much of a pure heart to kill her. The doppelganger then crumples into the magic dust. Is the dust actually the remains of the doppelganger? Are they carrying around the ashes of a dead ghost girl? This sequence was just weird.
Anastasia later breaks back into the palace to try and steal the crown jewels. The king catches her, but instead of having her beheaded he’s all like, “Hey, kid, I like your gumption! Why don’t you marry me and junk?”
And so, Anastasia abandons her love and Anastasia marries a man she just met 10 minutes ago for the power and riches. Didn’t Cora do this exact same thing? Is betraying the person you love to marry into royalty how all the ladies become queens in wonderland?
The king isn’t around anymore, so the Red Queen probably ends up killing him or something? Or does she really fall in love with him, but he dies and that’s why she wants to change the laws of magic, so she can bring the king back from the dead?
