2 Days ‘Til “Once Upon a Time”

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Religion in a Multiverse

So, in Storybrooke, there are a bunch of nuns, who used to be fairies, in a fairy tale world that was polytheistic. In season 2 the nuns will have their memories of the fairy tale world and the memories of their old belief system back. Christianity, being a monotheistic “burn the witches” type of deal, doesn’t seem like it would gel very well with people from a magical world. The fairy-nuns, I assume, will promptly defrock themselves.

What about characters like the mad hatter? Technically, his god is Lewis Carroll and Lewis Carroll has been dead for quite a while. I imagine it would be devastating to find out that all the  pain and suffering in your life was because a mere mortal thought it would make an interesting story, and, what’s more, this creator is dead so you can’t make them answer for it.

In the world of Once Upon a Time does every story written become a real world? Does this include internet fanfiction? What if a person wrote a story about themselves? Rumpelstiltskin could write 100 different versions of himself to create a clone army. Regina could write a story of a world where it was impossible to be defeated.

Oh, crud, this thing is going to turn out to be one of the ages of Myst, isn’t it?

3 Days ‘Til “Once Upon a Time”

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Poor, Poor Peasants

Thinking about Once Upon a Time, I came to a conclusion: the fairy tale world sucks. Only a few people get to have magic powers or be a princess. Everyone else is a peasant, dying early of disease or malnutrition, while getting caught up in the schemes of those more powerful than they.

They probably wouldn’t want to leave the real world. In the real world: food is plentiful, we have medical science that curing new things all the time, and, most importantly, for a people that are used to an oppressive feudal society, there is democracy in the real world. No more being serfs for the citizens of Storybrooke.

So, what does this mean for a character like Snow White, who will probably need a lot of help to get back to Fairy Tale Land? Why should the peasants help a person that was busy wearing pretty dresses and holding royal balls every week, while they were toiling in the fields? Will the royalty and magic users return to Fairy Tale Land without the peasants then? Could a world function filled only with princesses and witches?

Of course, I doubt any of this will actually come up in the show. It’s just interesting, sometimes, to think about the characters on the periphery of a story.

4 Days ‘Til “Once Upon a Time”

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How Long Until Mickey Mouse Shows Up?

It’s been speculated that Once Upon a Time has access to pretty much Disney’s entire catalogue and they’re burning through the fairy tale character pretty fast. It won’t be long before they have to draw from other genres in the pool. Could this mean that characters from Disney movies like Treasure Planet or Song of the South could show up on Once Upon a Time? Will Emma Swan join forces with The Rescuers?

Yes. All of these things will happen. I have foreseen it.

Also, whatever happened in that one movie, Dinosaur, will have a profound effect on our heroes. Did anyone see Dinosaur? It had something to due with lemurs, right? Once Upon a Time needs more lemurs. Lemurs make everything better. Well, except for Dinosaur. Nothing could make Dinosaur better.

BLARGH!

5 Days ‘Til “Once Upon a Time”

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Here a some little things, you may or may not have noticed, that I hope they flesh-out in season two of Once Upon a Time.

Gay Dwarfs?

In episode 14, Dreamy, Sneezy’s counterpart, Mr. Clark, and Sleepy’s counterpart, Walter, really want to sit together at the diner. Grumpy’s counterpart, Leroy, tells them they should have dragged their sorry asses out of bed a little earlier, implying that they both get up at the same time and, possibly, that they sleep in the same bed.

There wasn’t any implication that Sneezy and Sleepy had a romantic relationship in the fairy tale world, so how will the react in season two? How would a person feel if in one life they wear gay and in the other one straight, and then, they had those lives slammed together?

Then again, all dwarfs are male, so, maybe, it’s weird for them not to be gay.

walter mr. clark and leroy
They love eachother. You can’t tell me differently.

What’s in Storybrooke’s Library?

storybrooke's library
The Library and Emma’s Butt

In the the season finale of season one, A Land Without Magic, we see that Storybrooke has a closed-up library.

A library in a town full of storybook characters seems like a very dangerous thing. We don’t know how far all of the characters have reached in their own stories. What if some of them haven’t reached the ends of their stories yet? What happens if they go to the library and read their own story and they don’t like the ending?

Is That Dude in the Basement of the Hospital Pocahontas’ Dad?

a native american and regina mills
SWEEP THE LEG!

In episode 12, Skin Deep, Regina Mills, on her way to visit Belle in the basement psyche ward, passes a native american man sweeping in the hallway. This is an obvious play on Chief from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. But, maybe, it’s more than that. Pocahontas’ dad is a chief. Maybe Pocahontas’ tribe are enemies of Regina, so she locked their chief up, like she did Belle.

Of course, Pocahontas wasn’t actually a fairy tale character. She was a real person that we actually know a lot about. Disney continuing to treat her life like it was a fairy tale is, perhaps, unwise.

Anyway, until we meet again (tomorrow).

6 Days ‘Til “Once Upon a Time”

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Who Is Doctor Whale and Why Do I Care?

So, we’ve learned the fairy tale counterparts of most of the prominent  Storybrooke characters, except for Doctor Whale.

One would think that, since his last name is “Whale”, that his fairy tale counterpart would be the whale, Monstro, that swallowed Pinocchio, but that seems too easy.

But, maybe, the writers know that we know it’s too easy, so they’d use Monstro anyway, knowing that it’d be unexpected, because it’s so expected. OW.

It’s interesting the main doctor of Storybrooke isn’t Doc’s counterpart, but we’ve seen that the fairy tale characters and their Storybrooke counterparts aren’t always alike. This also means that Doctor Whale’s fairy tale counterpart most likely has nothing to do with doctoring.

Most of the time the Storybrooke versions of the characters have names that are puns on their fairy tale counterparts. Rubies are red and Ruby is Red Riding Hood’s counterpart.

So, what do we know about the word “whale”, other than it is an aquatic mammal? Well, the word “whale” can also refer the a high-rolling gambler. The only thing I can think about that has fairy tales and gambling together is that weird island Pinocchio went to, where he gambles and smokes and then turns into a donkey…

So, Doctor Whale… is an ass?

Bah.

7 Days ‘Til “Once Upon a Time”

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I enjoy the ABC show, Once Upon a Time, way more than I should.

Sure, the plot is a little convoluted and it’s a bit of a ripoff of Bill Willingham’s Fables.

The important thing is that it isn’t a cop show, a  medical drama, a reality show or -Zod forbid- a teen vampire show.

Yes, it’s schlock, but at least it’s schlock that’s trying something new.

The concept of fairy tale characters in the real characters in the real world has a lot of potential, but they’re making, in my opinion, some mistakes that will come back to bite them later.

Here are some things that in my opinion, as a know-nothing, z-list, stupid-head internet personality, are wrong with Once Upon a Time:

  1. Thirty Plotline Pileup
    • It seams like almost every character has a great big mystery in their backstory and I doubt, even if the show lasts for seven years, that everyone’s mystery will be solved by the end of the series. We are most likely going to left with a lot of unanswered questions.
    • They’re adding even more characters, all with their own stories, to the show. How are they going to give all these new plotlines their due airtime?
    • Also, because about half of each episode takes place in the past in the fairy tale world, the backstories keep growing and growing and growing.
  2. What Internal Logic?
    • Nobody can go in or out of Storybrooke, except when they can. Foodstuffs, clothing and other products have to get into Storybrooke somehow, and Kathryn somehow applies to a university in Boston and receives a letter, so the mailman can get in and out of Storybrooke?
    • Emma is, apparently, the only person that works at the sheriff’s office and evidence keeps getting sent away to some crime lab, again, assumedly, outside of Storybrooke.
    • There’s no magic inside Storybrooke, except for when the plot needs there to be some. Regina brought some magical trinkets with her to Storybrooke, but she used almost all of them up before the 28 years for the saviour to return were up. Why would she use up all her magic before the prophecy end date? Hubris? This point is pretty much moot, though, because, as of the first season finale, there’s all kinds of magic up in Storybrooke. From now on, if anything that doesn’t make any sense happens, a wizard did it.
  3. WHY?
    • So, Regina’s whole plan was to come to the real world and get revenge on everyone by being a jerk of a mayor? The rest of her life she’d just be a mayor in some backwater town! How is this preferable to having magic powers?

There was more I wanted to complain about, but I’m tired now. Good night.