SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

I really liked this episode, but, at the same time, I thought that it added a bunch of confusing elements.

a screencap of emma (played by jennifer morrison) and regina (played by lana parrilla) over an unconscious henry (played by jared s. gilmore)
Henry, always being so dramatic.

Hey, Henry isn’t dead (Boo.), but he will be soon, if they don’t retrieve his heart from Pan.

And the lesson here is never to give your heart to anyone, especially if it’s literally.

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin (played by robert carlyle) imprisoned
There’s no toilet in there…

Back in the past Enchanted Forest, after Regina had cast the Dark Curse, she goes to Rumpelstiltskin to gloat. I’m not sure how this scene actually had time to happen, because, if I recall correctly, the curse cloud spread very quickly throughout the land and this scene is a couple of minutes long. Whatever. Regina and Rumpelstiltskin are always fun together, so let’s roll with it.

Rumpelstiltskin tells Regina that she shouldn’t be gloating, because, since she killed her own father, there is now a hole in her heart, and, one day, she’ll need to seek out his help to fill it. Regina is all like, “Nuh-uh! My revenge is absolute! I’ve got everything I could ever want!”

a screencap of regina (played by lana parrilla) fawning over a baby henry (playe by some baby-guy)
He was cute, before he could talk.

Well, lo and behold, it turns out that being the mayor of a cruddy podunk town isn’t enough to make Regina happy. In fact, the last time she could remember being really happy, was when she was hanging out with the young Owen Flynn (too bad he grew up to be such a butt). Regina decides she wants to adopt a baby. Personally, I think that she should have just made a baby with sexy, sexy Sheriff Graham, but I guess a literally heartless man might not make a good father.

But it will take a minimum of two years to adopt a baby and Regina wants one NOW. Indeed, she does end up seeking out Rumpelstiltskin’s help, only he’s just Mr. Gold here, because the curse altered his memory. Regina plays right into his hands.

Mr. Gold finds Regina a baby, which she names “Henry” after her father. Baby Henry is defective, though. He won’t stop crying. Regina gets paranoid about the actual origin’s of the baby, so she calls up Sidney Glass (I think Giancarlo Esposito actually phoned-in his performance of being on a phone hehe) and asks him to look up Henry’s birth parents and just when Regina finally gets Henry to stop crying, Sidney sends her information that points to the Saviour being Henry’s birth mother. Regina must return Henry to the adoption agency, or risk the Saviour coming to Storybrooke to retrieve the child.

And I’ve gotten confused about the rules of Storybrooke again. No one can enter or leave, but they can telephone people outside of the town and use the internet, apparently. There’s also the whole bit about time being stopped, although the residents of Storybrooke don’t notice because their memories are all wonky, wouldn’t the people they know in the outside world get confused because of it?

a screencap of john (played by matt kane) and michael (played by james immekus)
Hipsters can’t adopt.

Regina is unable to give up Henry. She loves him too much. This is bad news for the other family that the agency had lined-up, who just so happen to be John and Michael Darling, which doesn’t make any sort of sense. Apart from them probably not being adequate adoption candidates, the picture that Peter Pan had of Henry is him as an 11-year-old, not a baby. But, really, why didn’t they try to steal the baby from Regina? They would just open a portal to Neverland right after. It’s not like they’d get caught.

Come to Boston, where they’ll give a baby to anyone, even two brothers in their twenties.

Unable to cope with her fear of the Saviour coming and being a mother at the same time, Regina drinks a potion to wipe her memories.

So, bother Regina and Rumpelstiltskin had no memories of their past lives? Doesn’t that contradict a lot of the events of season 1? I had this theory back then that neither Regina or Rumpelstiltskin actually had their old memories, but they had read Henry’s book and guessed who they were in their past lives. It couldn’t have been that, could it?

a screencap of felix (played by parker croft)
…UGH

In the present, Regina and Emma interrogate the Lost Boys about Pan’s location and Felix is being a butt, as usual. Emma decides to offer to be a mother to all 40 of the Lost Boy, you know, because she’s uber good at being a mother and stuff, but, hey, the Lost Boys take the bait and tell her that Peter Pan is hanging out at his Thinking Tree.

Felix alon remains resolute in his loyalty to Pan, though. He doesn’t need a mother, anyhow. He’s about like, what, 30?

a screencap of regina (played by lana parrilla), emma (played by jennifer morrison) and snow white (played by ginnifer goodwin) trapped by vines
Their favourite superheroine is Wonder Woman.

Oh no! Think Thinking Tree was a trap! It has vines that get tighter the more regrets you have.

Neverland, the place where the malevolent fauna will force you into expository dialogue.

Snow White regrets abandoning Emma and Emma regrets continually letting Henry down, but what does Regina regret?

a screencap of regina (played by lana parrilla) retrieving henry's heart from pan while emma (played by jennifer morrison) and snow white (played by ginnifer goodwin) look on shocked
Regina doing what she does best.

REGINA REGRETS NOTHING! All of her horrible actions just led her to her greatest happiness: her son. She’s a better mother than both those whiners. WHAM! She rips her son’s her out of Pan’s chest.

Everyone returns to the ship, Regina returns Henry’s heart to his chest and casts a spell on him to prevent his heart from being taken ever again, which, really, she should have done years ago, what with heart removal being everyone’s favourite pastime in this universe.

And then something happens that made no sense to me. Peter Pan switches his Shadow with Henry’s right he gets sucked into Pandora’s box. Apparently, this was like switching souls, because Pan is in control of Henry’s body now, but, up until this point, we’ve seen Shadows act like autonomous entities and we’ve seen people talk to them like they were actual people themselves. We still don’t even know where Rumpelstiltskin’s Shadow went and he doesn’t seem like an empty shell without it.

I hope this doesn’t mean that Pan, as Henry, is going to convince them to turn around and go back to Neverland. We really need to get out of there.

SPOILER ALERT!

In this episode, we learn a bunch more about Jenny Mills’ past.

a screencap of jenny mills (played by lyndie greenwood) holding a gun
Crazy Lady with a Gun

Still catching up…

  • The Boston Tea Party was Ichabod Crane’s idea? Is he involved in every big even from that era?
  • Why doesn’t Ichabod have a change of clothes yet?
  • Jenny had a string of abusive foster parents after being separated from Abbie.
  • Jenny travelled the world training with various freedom fighters and rebel groups? When? When she was a teenager?
  • Jenny also knew Sheriff Corbin and she would procure rare artifacts for him. Really? Again, while she was a teenager?
  • Why didn’t Corbin get Jenny out of her abusive situation? Why didn’t he tell Abbie that he knew her sister? It’s really bizarre. It seems a bit like he was only using her.
a screencap of the hessian sleepy cell agent, gunther (played by carsten norgaard)
It’s Gunther!
  • There are sleeper cells of Hessian Warrior pretending to be regular people, but apparently they’re all German soldiers contracted by the British to fight in the against the Americans in the Revolutionary War 200 years ago, so, I don’t, maybe they should check all the German people’s basements for jars of organs.
  • Hey, Crane knows German. Why shouldn’t he? Crane knows a lot of stuff, yo!
  • General Washington seemed really concerned with demons and the like. Why didn’t he try to make peace with the British, so that they could join forces and fight the demons together? Were the British in league with the Antichrist.
  • All this talk about the Apocalypse and Revelations and they never mention Jesus’ role in it…
a screencap of a cgi demon trying to escape
Boo!
  • It turns out the the mastermind behind the Hessian sleeper cells is a demon named “Moloch”, like the one described in Milton’s Paradise Lost. It’s the same demon that Abbie and Jenny saw as children.
  • When Gunther said that the mastermind was someone that they all knew, I was really hoping that it was going to be Sheriff Corbin and then they could have a twist about how he was trying to destroy the Hessian from within or something.
  • Abbie says that she has a way to get Jenny out of the asylum in six months. This show’s first season ends in January, so I guess we won’t be seeing Jenny for the rest of the season then.

SPOILER ALERT! I’M LATE! I’M LATE! FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE!

I didn’t really like this episode, but let’s see if I can come up with something to say about it anyway.

a screencap of laudanum, a tincture of opium
Yummy!

One of the first things we learn in this episode is that Dr. Lyndgate is doped out of his mind most of the time. I looked it up and laudanum is a tincture of opium. So that’s fun.

a screencap of alice (played by sopie lowe) meeting her half-sister, millie (played by kylie rogers)
Matching Pink Butterfly Net

So, to set the scene, we’re back in the past and Alice thinks that Cyrus is dead. She has been unceremoniously dumped back into Victorian England near her house.

A little girl runs up to Alice. Who is she?

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) reunited with her father, edwin (played by shaun smyth)
SO MANY FEELINGS

It’s Alice’s half-sister, Millie!?

Time in Wonderland and Victorian England must work differently, because it turns out that several years have passed while she was in Wonderland, enough time for her father, Edwin, to start a whole new family.

Alice is much more concerned about losing the boyfriend she’s had for, like, 3 days, than the father she abandoned for a decade. The most important love is True Love™.

a screencap of alice's stepmother sarah (played by heather doerksen)
Grrrrrrrrr…

Alice’s new stepmother, Sarah, is evil and hates Alice, because of course she does. Once Upon a Time in Wonderland only subverts traditional female fairytale roles for its heroes, the villainous women have to all be clichés.

Wouldn’t it have been interesting if Alice’s new stepmother was the one that was sympathetic to Alice, the one defending Alice from a father that doesn’t understand her?

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) inhaling some purple mist
Somebody’s baking purple cookies!

Back to the present, Alice is wandering around the forest looking for Cyrus, because the producers paid a lot to rent out this section of the Vancouver forest and, buy gum, they’re going to get their money’s worth out of it.

So, Alice wanders around the Black Forest (Hey! It prefers to be called the “African-American Forest”) and she ends up in the Boro Grove, which is still pretty much the same forest, only it’s more purpley.

The first thing Alice does in the Boro Grove is inhale a strange, purple mist, because, you know, that’s what one should do when they come upon an unidentified gaseous substance. The mist make her all mimsy. Get it? It’s like “All mimsy were the borogoves”. It’s like that thing from that book by that guy!

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) meeting the carpenter (played by john prowse)
Where’s the Walrus?

We meet the Carpenter from the poem The Carpenter and the Walrus. He doesn’t do anything really, except stand around and become a tree, because he inhaled the purple mist. His buddy, the Walrus, is nowhere to be found. They’re just name-dropping a character from Through the Looking-Glass to remind us that we’re still in Wonderland, because, really, without the occasional shout-out  and fibreglass mushroom, this is just like any other generic fairytale world. I blame all the wandering about in the woods.

a screencap of the red queen (played by emma rigby) berating a tweedle (played by matty finochio)
It’s a SHADE-OFF!

The Red Queen also wanders around the woods, because they needed to give her something to do this episode. She wants capture Cyrus for evil reasons. but, like, they’re reason’s that are slightly less evil than the reasons that Jafar want’s him for. We still don’t know what either of them are trying actually trying to accomplish and it’s hard to stay interested at extremely vague hints at potential evil doings.

The Red Queen is really mean to her Tweedle. What are the Tweedles, exactly? Is a Tweedle a type of critter, or is it a family name? When are we going to find out how they became David Bowie fans?

Anyway, she better start being nice to the Tweedles, or they’ll probably quit doing her hair up all pretty-like. Oh… And they’ll probably keep reporting her secrets to Jafar, which is what I assume the missing Tweedle is doing.

a screencap of alice (played by sopie lowe) at dinner with her family (played by john prowse, heather doerksen and kylie rogers)
Awkward!

Back in the past, Alice is having a lot of trouble readjusting to Victorian England norms. Her evil stepmother wants to marry Alice off as soon as possible, because finding a good husband is the best a woman can hope for in Victorian England. Doesn’t Stepmom know that in Wonderland a girl can aspire to be a princess or an evil witch? It’s way more progressive in Wonderland.

And it’s not like Alice offers up any viable alternatives to her stepmother’s plan. Moping over your dead boyfriend and trying to convince people that Wonderland is real isn’t going to put food on the table, Alice.

Alice says that they should believe her about Wonderland, because love means never having to provide proof, or something. You know, my Uncle Vito told us to believe that he had stopped drink because we loved him, and then he drove his Honda Accord into a lake. Sometimes, love means throwing Uncle Vito into rehab. And so, Alice gets carted off to Bethlem Asylum for saying crazy-sounding things.

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) turning into a tree
This is not good.

You know that purple mist from earlier? It turns you into a tree for some reason. Don’t worry, the Knave shows up to save her.

Why doesn’t the Knave start turning into a tree as well, you ask? Well, as it turns out, when Alice got the Knave’s heart back for him, he never bother putting it back in.

But the Knave doesn’t act heartless at all! Actually, I’d say that he seems to have the biggest heart of anyone on this show. He agreed to help the White Rabbit save Alice, even though there was nothing in it for him. He’s always trying to find nonviolent solutions to things, while Alice is going around stabbing everything. He apologized for breaking Silvermist’s heart. These aren’t the actions of a heartless man.

a screencap of jafar (played by naveen andrews) meeting alice's father, edwin (played by john prowse)
Greeting, my jolly-good chum!

Oh. Did I mention that Jafar is in Victorian England? Well he is and he stole some guy’s clothing and left him dead and naked in a field. Sure, Jafar could have probably just have magiced himself some new clothes, but the other way was more fun.

Jafar is probably going to do nasty things to Alice’s dad.

a screencap of cyrus (played by peter gadiot) falling off a cliff
Again with the falling?

And then Cyrus fell off a cliff again, because it’s his favourite pastime.

Some other stuff:

According to the creators of the show, there is an entire Victorian England realm, so this show doesn’t actually involve any time travel. I’m still waiting for them to go to the Star Wars realm.

Seriously, what the Heck happened to Elizabeth Lizard? Did she die? Why does no one seem to care?

SPOILER ALERT! I’M REALLY BAD AT SELF-EDITING!

This episode is a lot more fun, if you keep in mind that “box” is a slang term for “vagina”.

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin's father (played by stephen lord) and a young rumpelstiltskin (played by wyatt oleff)
Meet Rumpelstiltskin’s Deadbeat Dad

So, we finally meet Rumpelstiltskin’s dad, who is a grifter by trade.

All this time, we’ve been told by this show that Rumpelstiltskin’s father’s main trait was that he was a coward, but we don’t really see that demonstrated in this episode. All we are shown is that Rumpelstiltskin’s father is dishonest and extremely self-serving. He seems to be a great deal braver than Rumpelstiltskin, in fact.

a screencap of some spinsters (played by lindsay collins and glynis davies)
Same-Sex Middle-Aged Co-Habitation

So, to continue to engage in a life of crime and drunkenness, Rumpelstiltskin foists his whiny son on a couple of weird spinster ladies who dress the same.

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin's father (played by stephen lord) giving a young rumpelstiltskin (played by wyatt oleff) a creepy doll
Here, have a creepy doll, son-guy.

He gives Rumpelstiltskin a creep doll to keep the poor kid company. There ya go. That’s the origin story for the creepy doll that Rumpelstiltskin has been carrying around while going nuts in the jungle, this season. There really isn’t anything special about it, other than it coming from his father.

a screencap of the spinsters (played by lindsay collins and glynis davies) teaching a young rumpelstiltskin (played by wyatt oleff) to use a spinning wheel
One of us! One of us!

The weird sisters, or lesbian life partners, or whatever they are, teach Rumpelstiltskin how to spin wool. So, that’s the origin of that thing too. Wait, Rumpelstiltskin told his wife, Milah, that his mom taught him to spin, not his moms. They’re not even his moms, though, they’re just some ladies his dad knew.

Who are these spinster ladies, really? I’d say that they’re secretly the Spinners of Fate from Greek myth, but there are only two of them. If I recall correctly, there should be the spinner, the measurer and the cutter, if they really are the Greek Fates. Maybe, they need Rumpelstiltskin to fill-in as the third role? They really seem to want to keep Rumpelstiltskin.

Another possible reference to Greek mythology? Seriously, when is Hercules going to show up and kick everyone’s ass?

a screencap of the spinsters (played by lindsay collins and glynis davies) offering a magic bean
Always take magic beans from strangers!

Anyway, there’s definitely something off about these spinsters. They give Rumpelstiltskin a magic bean, so that he and his father can escape to a land where no one knows that Rumpelstiltskin’s father is a grifter.

Why haven’t they used the bean themselves? They live in a dirty hovel and their lives don’t really seem that great.

Where did they get the bean in the first place? The giants would still be alive at this point and it would be hard to steal one.

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin's father (played by stephen lord) and a young rumpelstiltskin (played by wyatt oleff) jumping into a portal
Weeeeeee!

And here is an example of how Rumpelstiltskin’s father is braver than Rumpelstiltskin. They decide to use the magic bean to go to Neverland and Rumpelstiltskin dives right into the portal, quite unlike how Rumpelstiltskin was unwilling to go through the portal years later with Baelfire.

a screencap of everyone pointing their weapons at rumpelstiltskin
Brandishing weapons is fun!

The villains and heroes are reunited, and everyone turns on Rumpelstiltskin, because Neal tells them all about the prophecy and how Rumpelstiltskin would have to kill Henry to prevent his own death.

This doesn’t last long. They need Rumpelstiltskin, because he is the most powerful magic-user.

The plan is to sneak-up on Peter Pan and trap him forever inside Pandora’s Box.

a screencap of neal (played by michael raymond-james) and rumpelstiltskin (played by robert carlyle) facing-off as emma (played by jennifer morrison) looks on
Hey, dad-guy. Sup, son-guy?

Neal doesn’t like the idea of Rumpelstiltskin having his hands on Pandora’s Box, though. Neal takes Pandora’s Box, so that if Rumpelstiltskin turns on them, Neal can trap him inside the box to stop him.

a screencap of wendy (played by freya tingley) reunited with an adult baelfire (played by michael raymond-james)
This is a bit awkward…

They invade Pan’s camp, but Henry and Pan aren’t there anymore. Wendy is there, though, and she and Baelfire are finally reunited after many years.

I still confused about the timeline here. How did Baelfire not meet-up with Wendy during his first stay in Neverland? When he did get back to Earth, why didn’t he look up Wendy to see what happened to her? They were like family, after all.

Anyway, Wendy tells the group that Pan has taken Henry to Skull Rock and they have to hurry because Pan is going to remove Henry’s heart so that he can gain all its power.

a screencap of regina (played by lana parrilla) and emma (played by jennifer morrison) doing magic together
JAZZ HANDS!

When they get to Skull Rock, they’re blocked by a magic barrier that only lets people without shadows through. Rumpelstiltskin can get past, because he cut of his shadow ages ago and now Neal finally believes him about it.

Wouldn’t it be really easy for Neal to check if his father had a shadow, though? He could have just had Rumpelstiltskin stand by the fire and looked. Whatever.

How does everyone else cross the barrier? The light from the moon is causing them all to have shadows! Regina decides to join with Emma, so that their combined magics will cause an eclipse.

a screencap of a lunar eclipse
Impressive Special Effects

Yes, moving an entire planet so that it blocks the path of the light from the sun from reaching the moon is much easier than conjuring up an opaque blanket or something to block the light.

a screencap of peter pan (played by robbie kay) and henry (played by jared s. gilmore) in front of a giant hourglass
Peter Pan’s Den

Whuh-Oh! Our heroes are running out of time! We can tell this, because there is a giant hourglass covered in skulls to show us.

Yo, Henry, when there are a bunch of skulls all over the place, it’s usually a huge red flag that something bad is about to go down.

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin's father (played by stephen lord) meeting the shadow
So, whose shadow is it?

Back in the past Neverland, Rumpelstiltskin’s father wants to fly, but can’t. A shadow shows up to tell him it’s because he’s an adult.

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin's father (played by stephen lord) giving a young rumpelstiltskin (played by wyatt oleff) to the shadow
Take my son, please!

There’s an easy fix though! On Neverland, your beliefs become real! All he has to do is believe really, really hard that he is a child and he will become one. The only problem is that Rumpelstiltskin is a constant reminder that he is, in fact, an adult.

Easy peasy! Just give your son to the creepy evil shadow!

And then, Rumpelstiltskin’s father starts turning into a child, even before Rumpelstiltskin is out of eyesight. Wouldn’t the kid have to away for a while before he could believe he was a kid himself?

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin's father changing into peter pan (played by robbie kay)
Always pixie dust, but never any pixies?

IT TURN’S OUT THAT PETER PAN WAS RUMPELSTILTSKIN’S FATHER THIS WHOLE TIME! Why did his accent change as well? At least we now know why Peter Pan says creepy sex stuff once in a while.

So, Peter Pan is Rumpelstiltskin’s father? In a weird way, I already sort of guessed this by the second episode this season, only I thought the reason that he was younger than Rumpelstiltskin was because he was Merlin and was aging backwards.

And now I’m confused again as to the exact nature of the Shadows. Who does the first Shadow belong to? It’s not Peter Pan’s. It predates him.

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin (played by robert carlyle) holding his doll and pandora's box
You can only take one toy with you.

Rumpelstiltskin holding his doll and Pandora’s box is to illustrate to the viewer the difficult choice that Rumpelstiltskin has to make. Does he reconcile with his father, or destroy him?

a screencap of peter pan (played by robbie kay) trapping rumpelstiltskin (played by robert carlyle) in pandora's box
It’s the fog that turns people inside-out!

But, really, it’s Peter Pan that has Pandora’s Box, because Pan believes that he has the box. Doesn’t Rumpelstiltskin believe that he has the box, too? It’s confusing this belief magic stuff.

Whatever. Peter Pan traps Rumpelstiltskin in Pandora’s Box.

a screencap of henry (played  by jared s. gilmore) taking his heart out while peter pan (played by robbie kay) looks on
Kali ma! Kali ma!

Without Rumpelstiltskin to stop Peter Pan, he convinces stupid Henry to tear out his own heart.

What was the stupid lie that Pan told Henry to get him to do this? Something stupid about “saving magic”? Bleh. Henry is dumb.

a screencap of henry (played by jared s. gilmore) shoving his heart in the chest of peter pan (plyaed by robbie kay)
UNF!

Henry puts his heart into Pan’s chest. Peter Pan has two hearts now and has become an all-powerful time lord or something.

I bet this was really all about the Shadow becoming all-powerful. After all, it’s been the Shadow telling Peter Pan what to do this whole time.

a screencap of henry (played by jared s. gilmore) being dead
YAY!

And Henry is dead. AGAIN. He won’t stay dead for long. For one thing, Rumpelstiltskin’s Shadow is still flying free and stupid Peter Pan didn’t put Pandora’s Box in his pocket. Pan just left the box lying on a ledge, where anyone can get at it.

Also, I bet it wasn’t even Henry’s real heart. He could have conjured up a decoy heart with the power of his belief.

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

This episode was all about the team learning to work together as a cohesive unit.

a screencap of the "0-8-4" or unknown object
MacGuffin
  • An “0-8-4” is an object of unknown origin. They have found one in Peru.
  • S.H.I.E.L.D. keeps things like this “quiet and contained” so that the public doesn’t panic. This doesn’t sit well with Skye.
  • Coulson mentions an antimatter comet incident. A lot of cool things happened in the past, which they can’t actually show us, because the budget is too small. I hope that they don’t mention too many incidents like that, because they risk having things that happened off-screen being way cooler than what we’re shown.
  • Ward doesn’t trust Skye, but he also doesn’t like working on a team in general. He’s used to being a one person solution.
a screencap of camilla (played by leanor varela) kissing agent coulson (playe by clark gregg)
Coulson has hoes in different area codes.
  • Agent Coulson had a relationship with the Peruvian Police Commander, Camilla Reyes, in the past. I hope this isn’t a running theme with every country they go to having on of Coulson’s old girlfriends living in it.
  • Fitz and Simmons aren’t related? I thought they were twins or something. I can’t even tell them apart.
  • May is easily the most competent of the recruits, but they have her as the driver. When do we get to see the incident that forced her out of the field?
  • Skye likes the Twitter and the social media and the fighting the power. I think that teenagers are supposed to identify with her or something.
  • The “0-8-4” is really a tesseract weapon commissioned by the Peruvian government. Reyes wants it to quell a rebel uprising. She has her men take over the Bus.
  • The team gets over their differences and defeats Reyes. It only took one episode for them to learn to get along. That was fast. Ward especially turns from
  • Sky is still secretly with the Rising Tide, though, because they’re the only ones that know how to use the power of Twitter for good, like she does.
a screencap of nick fury (played by samuel l. jackson) being angry or furious
His name is “Nick Fury” because he’s angry all the time.
  • Nick Fury stops by to remind us how great the movies were. They need to stop referencing the movies and have this show stand on its own.
  • This team still doesn’t have an official name?

SPOILER ALERT! I KNOW ALL YOUR SECRETS!

In this episode, we throw our whole lives away for a guy we just met.

a screencap of will scarlet (played by michael socha) and anastasia (played by emma rigby) about to jump into the looking glass
Hwuh?

Anastasia and Will Scarlet are all happy and about to head off to Wonderland when…

a screencap of anastasia's mother (played by sarah-jane redmond) being angry
THEY’RE ALL GOING TO LAUGH AT YOU!

Anastasia’s mom shows up to ruin their good time.

It turns out that Anastasia is quite the disappointment to her mother, because she’s not a queen or even a noblewoman and she can’t stand the fact that her daughter has fallen in love with the commoner, Will Scarlet. This is basically rehash of the relationship that Regina had with her mother, Cora, on Once Upon a Time.

Anastasia’s mother mentions that Anastasia has sister’s. If this is the Anastasia from the Cinderella story, then her sisters will be Cinderella and Drizella. Cinderella, as you may remember, is also Ashley Boyd in Storybrooke. We haven’t seen Ashley for a long time. She had just given birth, if I recall correctly. I wonder if they’d actually consider bringing Cinderella back for Once Upon a Time in Wonderland? I hope that mentioning the sisters isn’t just another allusion that doesn’t pay off.

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) covering the stone knave with a blanket
Yes. That is very helpful, Alice.

Alice feels really bad about the Knave getting turned to stone.

What happened Elizabeth the Lizard? She was right there with them wasn’t she? Lizard seemed really interested in helping the Knave, but she’s just up and disappeared.

a scrreencap of the old prisoner (played by brian george) in a cage
I’ve been here since aught-diggity, laddie.

So, Cyrus escapes, but the old prisoner decides not to go with him.

I actually have a new theory as to just who the old prisoner is. I think it may actually be an older Jafar from another universe or timeline. Young Jafar wants Old Jafar to tell him about his future, but Old Jafar knows exactly what a horrible person he was when he was younger, so he’s keeping his mouth shut. He doesn’t want Young Jafar to have any more power.

a screencap of anastasia (played by emma rigby) flirting with the king (played by garwin sanford)
What boyfriend?

Back in the past, Will Scarlet and Anastasia sneak into a royal ball to steal bread, because breaking into a bakery would be riskier, duh.

While Will is off doing the dirty work stealing roll, Anastasia flirts with the king. It all goes so well until one of the ladies notices that Anastasia is wearing a dress stolen from her carriage and they get kicked out. Who steals a dress from a carriage right outside the place they are sneaking into? And who keeps extra clothing just lying around in their carriage?

Hey remember that time that Cinderella snuck into a ball, and that time that Cora snuck into a ball, and that that time Ariel and Snow White into a ball, like, only two weeks ago? They need to find another activity for the upper class of the fairy tale world to engage in.

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) crossing the great divide while the red queen (played by emma rigby) looks on
Should’ve leapt from the lion’s head.

Remember that scene from Indian Jones and the Last Crusade, where Indy has to take a leap of faith? This episode totally rips that scene off, but they take twenty minutes doing it.

So, yeah, this week’s magical macguffin is magical dust that can only be found by taking a leap of faith into the Great Divide. The Red Queen needs the dust to protect herself fro Jafar, but the catch is that one needs a pure heart to take the leap and the Red Queen’s heart has been tainted by her evil deeds. Apparently, Alice has a pure heart, which I don’t really buy. Remember how Alice just stabbed the Mock Turtle for no reason? In fact, Alice is always threatening people with her sword. That’s not the type of thing someone with a pure heart would do, I shouldn’t think. Alice falls into the chasm anyway, maybe because her heart isn’t entirely pure?

a screencap of jafar (played by naveen andrews) holding aloft the white rabbit's severed foot
Something’s afoot…

Meanwhile, Jafar has his turncoat Tweedle bring him the White Rabbit. Jafar wants the White Rabbit to tell him who Alice’s loved ones are, so that he can hold them hostage and force Alice to use her remaining wishes to save them. The White Rabbit Refuses to, that is, until Jafar chops off one of his feet in a scene that’s sure to he traumatized many of the younger viewer.

The White Rabbit tells Jafar who the loved on is off-screen. I find that type of thing annoying. They interrupt the narrative flow just so they can stretch a reveal out over several episodes and usually the payoff is a letdown.

They want us to think that this loved one is really Alice’s father, but I bet that it’s her mother. Or her kitten. Didn’t Alice have a kitten in the story?

a screencap of alice (played by sophie lowe) meeting her younger self doppelganger (played by millie brown)
Creepy…

In the chasm of dust or whatever, Alice is confronted with a creepy doppelganger moppet of her younger self. The doppelganger tries to goad Alice into killing the Red Queen, but Alice has too much of a pure heart to kill her. The doppelganger then crumples into the magic dust. Is the dust actually the remains of the doppelganger? Are they carrying around the ashes of a dead ghost girl? This sequence was just weird.

a screencap of anastasia (played by emma rigby) waving with the king (played by garwin sanford)
You don’t even know this man’s name…

Anastasia later breaks back into the palace to try and steal the crown jewels. The king catches her, but instead of having her beheaded he’s all like, “Hey, kid, I like your gumption! Why don’t you marry me and junk?”

And so, Anastasia abandons her love and Anastasia marries a man she just met 10 minutes ago for the power and riches. Didn’t Cora do this exact same thing? Is betraying the person you love to marry into royalty how all the ladies become queens in wonderland?

The king isn’t around anymore, so the Red Queen probably ends up killing him or something? Or does she really fall in love with him, but he dies and that’s why she wants to change the laws of magic, so she can bring the king back from the dead?

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