SPOILER ALERT! THIS POST IS ABOUT THE FOURTH EPISODE OF THE THIRD SEASON OF ONCE UPON A TIME, “NASTY HABITS”.
IN THIS EPISODE: IT’S A DADDY ISSUES FIRE SALE! ALL DADDY ISSUES MUST GO! FREE ANGST WITH EVERY PURCHASE!
In the beginning of the episode, Felix is leading Neal through the woods, while being a smarmy weirdo and I was all like, “Crud, this is going to be a Felix-heavy episode, isn’t it?”
Incidentally, that wooden club that Felix carries looks to be an Irish weapon called a “shillelagh”. I’m now going to assume that Felix is the world’s tallest leprechaun, because EVERYBODY ON THIS SHOW MUST BE AT LEAST TWO THINGS.
Anyway, then Neal punched Felix in his stupid face and all was well.
Meanwhile, Rumpelstiltskin was tripping balls in the woods and painting his face like he was a war veteran, with post-traumatic stress disorder, having flashbacks.
He’s still having hallucinations of Belle, which is weird. Is there an external cause for his visions, or is he just nuts?
HalluciBelle is the most emotionally-needy, annoying hallucination ever. I hope we get back to Storybrooke soon to hang out with the real Belle and she does something other than talk about Rumpelstiltskin all the time. Belle isn’t a real character anymore. She’s just a prop in Rumpelstiltskin’s story, but, then again, isn’t that everyone on this show now?
As it turns out, even Peter Pan is connected to Rumpelstiltskin’s story. Peter Pan and Rumpelstiltskin were friends as children, but they had a falling-out. Peter betrayed Rumpelstiltskin. Years later, Peter Pan, as the Pied Piper of Hamlin (EVERYBODY ON THIS SHOW MUST BE AT LEAST TWO THINGS!), used a magically flute that can only be heard boys with daddy issues, to draw away Baelfire away from Rumpelstiltskin in an attempt to kidnap him. Baelfire’s daddy issues, of course, centre around the fact that his dad is an evil, murderous and cowardly control freak.
So, Peter Pan is also the Pied Piper of Hamlin? That means that his pan flute also summons rats, right? Is Neverland full of rats, then? Can Peter Pan make the rats do his bidding? Is Peter Pan the cause of the Black Death?
What is the reason that Peter Pan only wants boys, anyway? Is his one weakness cooties?
Anyone want to bet that Peter Pan used to have the Heart of the Truest Believer, but his evil deeds blackened his heart? Pan says that he built Neverland out of his dreams, but he doesn’t seem to have that power anymore and he says that Henry does. Can you use magic to switch hearts between two people?
Neal and Rumpelstiltskin are reunited once again. Neal blows into the wrong end of a conch shell to summon a giant squid. Squid ink can be used to paralyze magic-users. The use it to freeze Pan and steal back Henry, who thankfully spent most of this episode asleep and not talking.
Neal learns of the prophecy that the a boy will be the undoing of the Dark One. Both Neal and Rumpelstiltskin believe that this “boy” is Henry, so Neal uses the squid ink on Rumpelstiltskin, because he trust him not to hurt Henry, what with Rumpelstiltskin’s evil past an all.
Why is everyone assuming that the “boy” is Henry and that “undoing” means death? There’s a whole island of Lost Boys and any one of them could be the “boy”. And “undoing” could mean anything really. Maybe it just means that the Dark One will be turned back into a regular man.
The Last Alliance of Heroes and Villains did some stuff too. Prince Charming is still very slowly dying of dreamshade poison and they found a star chart that leads back to Earth that Neal built out of a coconut shell, which, unfortunately, is in a code that only Neal can read.
How did Neal make that star chart, anyway? Was he some sort of geometry-wizard-astrophysicist-wunderkind as a child? Wouldn’t the stars on Neverland be completely different from the ones on Earth? Is Neverland in the same galaxy as Earth? Is Neverland on Earth? Did Neal use a spaceship to escape Neverland? Did Neal use to own the Millennium Falcon and then he sold it to Lando Calrissian to buy an apartment in New York?
Is Rumpelstiltskin a Sith Lord?