WARNING! This post contains spoilers for the sixteenth episode of the second season of Once Upon a Time, The Miller’s Daughter. If you haven’t seen that episode, then don’t read this post, lest you be spoiled for all time. Also, I may get a little blue this time round.
This episode made me feel dirty and not in a fun way. It was more of a “why is this network TV show turning all softcore-porny” dirty.
This episode seemed like 12 hours of a creepy imp hardcore macking on Rose McGowan. That’s because that’s what it was. Robert Carlyle’s sexual aura bent time and turned an hour show into 12 hours. This has been proven by finest hobo physicists in the field of hobo physics.
I don’t think Robert Carlyle was even acting here. I think this was for real. This wasn’t family-friendly. But, hey, you get the chance to get kinda nasty with Rose McGowan, you take it.
Er… So, anyway, I guess I should walk about the plot and stuff.
- Cora was a miller’s daughter
- Eva, Snow White’s mom, was mean to Cora because of Cora’s low social standing
- Rumpelstiltskin helps Cora learn magic through the power of hot making out
- Cora becomes a duchess or something
Remember how I said that I didn’t think that Rumpelstiltskin was Regina’s father? I think that this episode confirms that. See, Cora and Rumpelstiltskin’s deal was that their first child together would belong to Rumpelstiltskin, but Cora decides to end her relationship with Rumpelstiltskin and marry Henry. Also, if Regina was Rumpelstiltskin’s daughter, he’d have power over her, right? He can’t seem to control Regina at all.
Of course, we’ve seen shapeshifting on this show. Rumpelstiltskin could have just made himself look like Henry and… Doesn’t it count as rape by fraud if you use your magic powers to make a person think that you’re someone you’re not? We need a magic lawyer to sort these things out. Anyway, if he did shapeshift into Henry, then it would be possible for Regina to be his daughter.
Oh, wait, wasn’t it implied in a first season episode that Jefferson was Regina’s half-brother? Maybe, Regina is the child of Cora and Henry, and, Jefferson is the child of Cora and Rumpelstiltskin. It would explain why Jefferson was working for Rumpelstiltskin.
The family trees on this show are already pretty complicated. Would the writer’s want to complicate them even further?
Also, I wish that there weren’t two character’s named “Henry” on this show. A couple of those above paragraphs are really gross, if you’re thinking about the wrong Henry.
I need to go have myself a lie-down. I’m getting weird.