My Thoughts On: Once Upon a Time S02E19 “Lacey”

SPOILER CITY! SPOILER CITY! SPOILER CITY!

This episode is about -THERE’S GOOD INSIDE OF YOU, I CAN FEEL IT! THERE’S GOOD INSIDE OF EVERYONE! YOU HAVE TO LOOK FOR THE GOOD INSIDE OF EVERYONE!

a screencap of the fairy wands in Mr. Gold's pawn shop
Oh, that’s where those went!

Remember how in the last episode how Mother Superior had her wand back mysteriously? Well, obviously, she took it back from Mr. Gold’s store when he wasn’t looking, so shut up.

Didn’t he have a magical force field that would’ve prevented that kind of thing? No. Shut up.

Seriously, though, why are they letting Mr. Gold sit on this giant arsenal of dangerous, magical trinkets? If I were Emma, I would have confiscated it all by now. Isn’t she still the sheriff? Or, like, David was the sheriff now, or something? I don’t know…

a screencap of mr. gold (played by robert carlyle) destroying a porcelain henry (played by jared s. gilmore)
WHY WASN’T THIS FOR REAL!?

They show us a wonderful sequence where Mr. Gold turns Henry into a porcelain figurine and smashes him into powder, but it turns out that it was just a wonderful, wonderful dream. Dang it! Why won’t the annoying kid die for real?

I also noticed that there is a canoe hanging in Mr. Gold’s shop. Mr. Gold killed Pocahontas and stole her canoe because it is made out of magical wood. This is my theory.

a screencap of robin hood (played by tom ellis) stealing a magic wand from rumpelstiltskin
BECAUSE THIS SHOW NEEDED MORE CHARACTERS!

This episode introduces Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham. The show needed more characters, so they added more characters. There was no way around it.

Anyhoo, in the past Enchanted Forest, Robin Hood steals a wand from Rumpelstiltskin. Rumpelstiltskin needs to kill Robin Hood now, because he has to maintain his evil persona or else people won’t be scared of him anymore. Belle doesn’t think that Rumpelstiltskin will kill Robin Hood, because Rumpelstiltskin still has some goods inside. Rumpelstiltskin doesn’t kill Robin Hood. The End.

Also, Rumpelstiltskin gives Belle a library, you know, just cause.

This episode is supposed to expand on why Belle fell in love with Rumpelstiltskin, but it ends up just making the audience hating them both a little bit, because they are both just so annoying.

Belle: “THERE’S GOOD IN YOU! THERE’S GOOD IN YOU! THERE’S GOOD IN YOU! THERE’S GOOD IN YOU! THERE’S GOOD IN YOU! GRAAAAAAHHHH!”

Rumpelstiltskin: “LOOK HOW EVIL I AM! LOOK HOW EVIL I AM! LOOK HOW EVIL I AM! LOOK HOW EVIL I AM! LOOK HOW EVIL I AM! GRAAAAAAHHHH!”

How does Robin Hood even fit in on this show? I mean, Robin Hood may be a fictional person, but other characters from his story, like Richard the Lionheart or the Sheriff of Nottingham, are real-life historical figures. Also, The Crusades, which are an important part of the Robin Hood story, are not very child-friendly or fairytale-like at all.

a screencap of a field of magic bean plants
Field of Beans; Field of Dreams

Mary Margaret and David take Emma to see the bean patch. The beans might be mature enough to make a portal to the Enchanted Forest soon. Emma has to choose if she wants to go with them. Choices are hard.

Why did they plant an entire field of beans? You only need one bean to make a portal! There  must be thousands of beans in that field. That’s thousands of beans that could fall into the wrong hands.

Aaannnnddd, Regina ends up finding the bean patch and stealing some beans. Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

a screencap of rumpelstiltskin (played by robert carlyle) standing next to the rabbit hole sign
Alright, I’ll bite, which one of the rabbit’s holes is it?

Mr. Gold goes looking for Belle, and he finds her in The Rabbit Hole, the world’s tamest sleazy bar.

Seriously, The Rabbit Hole is well-lit and clean. The patrons are well-dressed and nice. There’s even a nice, homey fireplace. There’s nothing about the place that is actually sleazy, but the audience is supposed to believe that it’s a “vile place” anyway.

a screencap of lacey (played by emilie de ravin) playing billiards
Trouble with a capital “T” and that rhymes with “P” and that stands for POOL!

But, wait, oh no! Belle isn’t Belle anymore! She’s playing pool, the most evil sport there is, and you can see her bra, the most evil article of clothing there is. She’s evil. EVIL!

Belle is Lacey now and Lacey like two things: getting frisky and getting drunk.

Seriously, Lacey is an alcoholic. Every time we see her, she is drinking. It’s to the audience that she is a bit of a bad person.

Hey, shouldn’t Lacey be traumatized from 28 years in the hospital’s basement? No. Shut up. She doesn’t even remember any of that.

Anyhoo, Mr. Gold needs to get Lacey to fall in love with him, so he can give her True Love’s Kiss™ and have Belle’s memories to her. The only problem is that Mr. Gold is reformed now, so that his son will like him again and Lacey doesn’t like Nice Guys™.

a screencap of mr. clark (played by gabe khouth) with a beer
Hey, remember Sneezy? He doesn’t!

Hey, everyone, chill out! The writers totally remember that Sneezy lost his memory too and they included a shot of Mr. Clark to prove it. I think he’s better and more hygienic as Mr. Clark though. Maybe they shouldn’t give him his memories back.

a screencap of the sheriff of nottingham (played by wil traval) on a horse
This guy has evil hair.

Well, I hope that none of you became too attached to the Sheriff of Nottingham. It looks like he’s among the many characters that are introduced and then killed-off in the same episode.

Mr. Gold goes on a date with Lacey, but he acts too sweet and kind and lame, so she ditches him and goes to the alleyway to make-out with the Sheriff of Nottingham’s Storybrooke alterego, Keith. Mr. Gold catches them and it causes him to have a sadness. Lacey is just too different from Belle.

Later, Keith meets up with Mr. Gold to apologize. Mr. Gold is in a really foul mood though, so he starts to beat the crud out of Keith with his cane. Lacey catches him and tells him not to stop because she like it. Lacey is turned-on by violence. Lacey likes Bad Boys ™.

Keith is probably dead now.

If the fandom doesn’t start calling the Rumpelstiltskin/Lacey pairing “Racey”, I’m going to be very upset.

a screencap of captain hook (played by colin o'donoghue) tied up and gagged
“The Package”

In this episode, Tamara and Greg refer mysteriously to “the package” without revealing what “the package” is. You know, because when people are all alone and they aren’t worried that someone is listening in, they’ll still speak in code because it is fun. Jeeze, can’t people just have some fun once in a while. Gah.

Well, at the end of the episode it’s revealed that “the package” is actually Captain Hook, because the writers needed to find a way to get him from New York to Maine and the answer was inside Greg Mendell’s trailer.

Captain Hook’s new nickname is now “The Package”. (Because “package” is a euphemism for penis and Captain Hook has a penis.)

5 Days ‘Til “Once Upon a Time”

Here a some little things, you may or may not have noticed, that I hope they flesh-out in season two of Once Upon a Time.

Gay Dwarfs?

In episode 14, Dreamy, Sneezy’s counterpart, Mr. Clark, and Sleepy’s counterpart, Walter, really want to sit together at the diner. Grumpy’s counterpart, Leroy, tells them they should have dragged their sorry asses out of bed a little earlier, implying that they both get up at the same time and, possibly, that they sleep in the same bed.

There wasn’t any implication that Sneezy and Sleepy had a romantic relationship in the fairy tale world, so how will the react in season two? How would a person feel if in one life they wear gay and in the other one straight, and then, they had those lives slammed together?

Then again, all dwarfs are male, so, maybe, it’s weird for them not to be gay.

walter mr. clark and leroy
They love eachother. You can’t tell me differently.

What’s in Storybrooke’s Library?

storybrooke's library
The Library and Emma’s Butt

In the the season finale of season one, A Land Without Magic, we see that Storybrooke has a closed-up library.

A library in a town full of storybook characters seems like a very dangerous thing. We don’t know how far all of the characters have reached in their own stories. What if some of them haven’t reached the ends of their stories yet? What happens if they go to the library and read their own story and they don’t like the ending?

Is That Dude in the Basement of the Hospital Pocahontas’ Dad?

a native american and regina mills
SWEEP THE LEG!

In episode 12, Skin Deep, Regina Mills, on her way to visit Belle in the basement psyche ward, passes a native american man sweeping in the hallway. This is an obvious play on Chief from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. But, maybe, it’s more than that. Pocahontas’ dad is a chief. Maybe Pocahontas’ tribe are enemies of Regina, so she locked their chief up, like she did Belle.

Of course, Pocahontas wasn’t actually a fairy tale character. She was a real person that we actually know a lot about. Disney continuing to treat her life like it was a fairy tale is, perhaps, unwise.

Anyway, until we meet again (tomorrow).